Satire Tag

Posted On June 30, 2015By Hunter SimmonsIn Lifestyle, Politics, The Scene

#LoveWins: My Difficult Announcement

Dear Friends and Family, There is no easy way to share this with you. Lately, I have not been feeling myself. I have continually thought to myself, “Something doesn’t feel right.” I feel like I am in a constant state of denial. I sense that there is a hole in my heart, but no matter what I do, I remain incapable of filling it. Every day, I go on pretending like nothing is wrong. People stop and ask me how I am doing, and though I may return with aRead More

Posted On January 31, 2015By Anthony KozlowskiIn Miscellaneous, Ramblings

Phoenix Skylark: A Man Paid Not to Write

Phoenix Skylark needs no introduction. As the world’s foremost non-author, he’s made headlines since his first foray into the literary community some 5 years ago. Now, it’s hard to imagine a world without him. Our News Feeds are so cluttered with articles from “10 Reasons Traveling is Right for Your Relationship and You Won’t Believe What I Say” to the “Puppy That Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity” to the tides of BuzzFeed quizzes that the barrage sometimes threatens to overwhelm us. Luckily, pioneers like Skylark have stepped forward andRead More

Posted On November 9, 2014By Keegan Boisson-YatesIn Buzzworthy, The Scene

Top 10 Picks: Prez Candidates for 2016

Man, honestly, Obama has done so much good for this country that I think he should get another term! Just kidding, the truth is I know less about politics than I know about thermonuclear biochemistry, which I’m not even sure is an actual thing, to put that into perspective. I am just a distracted teenager who couldn’t care less about who actually runs the country. I’m too concerned about not failing my classes and making it home on Saturday nights, and besides, my voice isn’t being heard anyway. However, IRead More
Where I come from, and in many small-town parts of the country, high school coaches are the most respected and revered public figures in the neighborhood. Growing up, I kind of accepted this and even bought into it a little bit. It’s not until you get older and have the benefits of real life experience and hindsight that you realize how absolutely bonkers this is. I mean, watch TV for 20 minutes on a Saturday and you’ll realize that people who coach football (and most popular sports) are, for theRead More
“Here’s to God and football and, 10 years from now, Street, good friends livin’ large in Texas.” ~Tim Riggins, Fictional American Hero, Dillon Panthers Fullback.   Many professional football players love God very, very much, if their on-field behavior is to be believed. You know what I’m talking about if you’ve ever watched even a quarter of football. Ostensibly, everything they do is for him (or her). But does God love football players very, very much? We decided to sit down with the Big Man (or woman?! We’ll never tell!)Read More
From: srm5082@gmail.com To: care@seamless.com Subject: Re: Confirmed! Randy’s Chinese Food received your order. Estimated delivery: 45-60 minutes. [12:11 a.m.] To Whom It May Concern— Please cancel this order. When I placed it mere moments ago, the Seamless website told me there had been an error, and that I should start from the beginning and order again. Being in the famished state I am, I opted to not give Seamless another try. It’d be a waste of valuable time if I were to recreate the order only to find another errorRead More

Posted On February 6, 2014By Patrick SmithIn Buzzworthy, The Scene

Too Much of a Good Thing

Philip Seymour Hoffman overdosed on something that he loved, or at least couldn’t live without.  This is a list of things that I think I love enough (or at least, if introduced to, couldn’t go without) to overdose on.   Root Beer You don’t need an ID to purchase it and it goes great with every meal… Root Beer truly is the swing-man of the beverage world.  What kid hasn’t pretended to get drunk off of IBC?  Now imagine drowning yourself in a pool of it.  Commence the salivating.  Read More