rants Tag

I think I finally understand how the Trix Rabbit feels. Earlier today I was peeling a mandarin orange–otherwise known as a Cutie–and I noticed a little sticker that read, “Cuties are for kids!” So, is that a requirement? Are some angry children going to run after me demanding I hand over the Cuties? I find myself asking the same questions that poor rabbit asked regarding his colorful bowl of Trix. Why can’t I have a Cutie? Why do only kids get to indulge in their juicy deliciousness? Little a$$holes, nobodyRead More

There are few things on this earth that piss me off quite like driving. In general, I am a fairly laid-back kind of guy, save for the obvious hot-button issues. However, behind the wheel, I Hulk out. Every time. Ripped purple pants, the whole shebang; my T-shirt budget is enormous. It baffles me that normally halfway-intelligent people can instantly morph into completely bewildered, oblivious, and even pompous dumbfucks the second a one-ton steel killing machine comes into the picture – you know, the perfect time to not be a completeRead More

A while ago I wrote an extremely coherent and intelligently worded post on my personal blog, which later appeared on Betches Love This, about why I hate it when dudes ask me to “come over and watch a movie.” Since then I’ve gotten a lot of shit from guys being all, “I don’t see what the big deal is, I pull that move all the time, it’s great and super effective,” blah blah blah. Okay, so I guess I wasn’t clear enough the first time so I’m coming back at youRead More

I firmly believe that when it comes to dating, texting is the actual devil. It is the demise of dozens of relationships and one text can be a game changer for countless others. One text can keep someone up all night in a ball of anxiety, and one vibration of a phone can send someone into a nervous tizzy. If it were up to me, texting would be strictly for use between friends. And not the, “Oh my god, I’m so not into him at all,” friends, I mean actualRead More

As of Monday, The LA Times published an article condemning a resolution passed by the UC-Santa Barbara Academic Senate intended to ensure that students would receive notice of “triggering” content before it appears in a classroom. The title of this article is “Warning: College students, this editorial may upset you.”   …I am upset. Upset at the victim-blaming that this perpetrates. Upset at the lack of sympathy for our fellow humans who have undergone traumatic events. Upset at the manner in which the writer dismisses the need for trigger warningsRead More

Bare with me and we’ll get to the butts soon, I promise. First, let’s get somewhat educational, but not too much. The content provided by television has long adhered to rules, regulations, and procedures, both political and corporate in their design. These rules and regulations I speak of served the general purpose of censoring out what was considered culturally “obscene” or “indecent” to the American Public, today we know it all as the FCC. In laymen’s term’s (and because I just want to), these regulations worked to ensure that theRead More

We could all take a lesson from Rose. Even though she never thought she’d have to let go of Jack, every once in a while, letting go is all there is left to do. Here are a few things we should let fall to the bottom of the sea, gone forever. 1. Safari Besides their private browsing (ahem) is there any use for this truly awful browser? It might have been a step up from NetScape but it comes in far below Firefox, Chrome and, yes, even Internet Explorer. ForRead More

This year, my New Year’s Resolution was to try to be more patient with people and more understanding of little things that shouldn’t frustrate me. Friends and family are always telling me to slow down and take a breath. Truth is, I tried and continue to try. But sometimes it’s completely alright to just lose it, throw the bird, pass on a double yellow, or skip your iPhone across a lake. For instance… 8.  Drivers going well under the speed limit on a single lane road When you are inRead More

So I’m going to assume most people reading this are over the age of 18. Therefore, you are an adult. Act like one. Here are seven situations in which I see people continuously act like lazy children and I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE.   1. Pick up after the messes you make. -We’ve all been there. You’re in a rush at the grocery store trying to make it home in time for the Bachelor. There’s that last item you need to grab so you run down the aisle withRead More

This one goes out to anyone who is living in an American city that is being overtaken by invaders from the planet Hip; this is for the lonely, who haunt dark corners of mainstream venues secretly watching their favorite unfortunately popular bands; this is for the silent casualties of fashion, who actually want more than a single gear on their bike because it’s freakin’ easier to get up those hills; this is for the few of us who eat GMO food and never talk about it; this is for theRead More

Ah…the selfie.  The selfie’s gotten a ton of grief ever since the good ol’ Myspace days.  As social media sites like Instagram continue to grow in popularity, the selfie is more commonplace than ever before—and yet, the subject of much hate and controversy. Well, I’m fed up with all this selfie hate and it turns out that I’ve got a few choice words for all you selfie-bashers out there. We live in a world that’s constantly trying to convince us that we’re ugly just so it can sell us shit. Read More