rants Tag

I’ve been traveling a lot recently. I’ve been visiting friends and going to weddings and generally enjoyed a packed social schedule that has been more hectic than normal. I’m not complaining; it was sweet. The traveling has eaten into my writing schedule though so I’ve been a little M.I.A. here (Sorry Ascher!) Good thing for you though, dear readers, is that traveling stirs the soul and fosters creativity. Some of the great writers in the world found their masterpieces either On the Road (sorry everyone else for that pun) orRead More

Everyone using Snapchat has those friends who send out excessive amounts of Snapchats every day. If you are one of those annoying assholes people, you are in luck. This article will help you refrain from sending the Snapchats that make everyone watch for the first second and click to skip to the next dumb ass Snapchat story.   The “It’s only 11 a.m. and I’m drunk” Snap You’re really not that cool. We all woke up at 8 A.M a few times (most Saturdays) in college still drunk off ourRead More

I work at a job that requires some customer service, most of which is done over the phone. Being a 22-year-old, I already have a strong aversion to the phone. Why would I want to actually talk to another human when I could just go on my computer and not have to interact with anyone? #ShitIDontUnderstand So yeah I don’t love answering the phone from the get-go, mostly because it makes me extremely anxious. What can I say, my mom always told me not to talk to strangers. But someRead More

  Record 5: Venice, California, Sunday July 5th, 2009. Day. So like Reed and I got to the Whaler a few hours (yeah, fucking hours) before his mom even called us. She texted me earlier, which seems weird, but she always texts me when Reed doesn’t answer his phone or leaves it on silent. Her text said: TELL MY SON TO TEXT ME K? So I told Reed to text her a few hours later when he woke up. It was around 1:35 in the afternoon. I remember because IRead More

Some people go through life blissfully ignorant of all the horrible, disgusting germs that are literally everywhere. Other people carry the burden of constant fear, paranoia, and revulsion from living in a world contaminated by germs. These people are called Germaphobes. Germaphobes are faced with many challenges on a daily basis, as their phobia robs them of the joys that non-Germaphobes get to experience, such as…   Ball pits Ah, Ball pits. Ball pits are a childhood staple of seemingly innocent fun. Wrong! Ball pits are full of heinous germsRead More

“Being a patriot doesn’t mean prioritizing service to government above all else. Being a patriot means knowing when to protect your country, knowing when to protect your Constitution, knowing when to protect your countrymen, from the violations of and encroachments of adversaries. And those adversaries don’t have to be foreign countries.” – Edward Snowden     All of Snowden’s actions, up to this point, indicate that he is one of the few people who knows what our government is capable of, and has our best interests in mind. There areRead More

  Record 4: Pasadena, Thursday, July 5th, 2014. Day. I’m at the Pie ‘n Burger again. I’m drinking coffee at the bar. I’m thinking about Shia LaBeouf. I’m thinking about how I really used to love Even Stevens when I was a kid. I was a kid before I was an unemployed 27-year-old vagabond-dude who still wears jeans that aren’t too-tight. Then I wonder what it’d be like to wear a brown paper bag on my head with a cool statement penned in Sharpie. I could be like new-Shia, circaRead More

So, lets talk about this Bowe Bergdahl business. Or rather, I’m going to tell you why you should be mad about it. You don’t have to agree; in fact, if you have a dissenting opinion, please share it below. But in my opinion, this is the situation as it stands.   Our President, Barack Obama, released five high-risk Guantanamo Bay Prisoners in exchange for one American Soldier. At first, that doesn’t look so terrible. So our price is 5:1. That doesn’t mean much if it means that one of ourRead More

Last time we met, I opened up this dialogue about never being in a relationship, how it’s a stigma, and why I am in this particular position. Today, I’d like to discuss a relationship phenomenon that is HUGE in our generation, and the bane of “unicorns” (late teens or twenty-something’s who have never been a relationship) everywhere: the friend zone.   I’ve been there. You’ve been there. We’ve all been there. And it sucks. If you don’t know what I’m referring to, you should check your back for loose wiring,Read More

As I walked into lecture today, to my surprise, I noticed that my professor, who is regarded so highly in the world of academia, decided to use Comic Sans on the lecture slides. Believe me, it took every ounce of self-control within me to not walk right out then and there. Professor, I respect you immensely as an intellect, and you are far more learned that I may ever be. However, let me tell you exactly why I can’t take you seriously with Comic Sans: Some may say Comic SansRead More

  Record 3: Scottsdale, Friday, July 5th, 2013. Day. I’m sitting on the leather in my family’s center room, which is made for living, as some say. My father, who wears his mustache thin and wire-like, is staring out of our smudged window, contemplating something that is now, I’m afraid, causing him to shake his head to and fro in a ‘this-will-just-not-do’ manner that makes me anxious. I ask him a question with words about his unusual new physicality. He rambles and putters with letters and such, and I think,Read More

To get the full effect of this post please listen to this song while reading. “The subway breaks everyone and afterwards many are strong in the broken places.” -Ernest Hemingway/Rachel Harrison. Taking public transit is a struggle. Despite the perks of never having to worry about gas or car payments and insurance, the subway tests humans in unspeakable ways.   Stranger Danger Being trapped in an enclosed space with hundreds of complete strangers daily is not ideal to say the least. More often than not these strangers possess alternative views onRead More

I’m not a football fan. I have no desire to watch games on TV, and if drug to a live game, I will promptly grab the strongest drink that I pass and enjoy myself in that way. Football, for me, means alcohol and socialization, not watching a game. But, when something like Michael Sam’s media coverage is plastered on my Facebook and Twitter, I have to pay some attention; it’s the price of wanting to stay current. So naturally, I have some opinions. Apparently, Michael Sam was recently compared toRead More

Chances are, if you’re reading this website, you’re somewhere in the same broad demographic that I am: 18 – 35. I read a lot of similar sites and try to consume content written by people who are in similar places in their lives. It helps me, in some ways, to know that people go through the same struggles as other people. To that end, many of the columns here and other places regarding relationships and relationship advice focus on people in their early to mid 20s; jumping from relationship toRead More

If you would have asked me ten years ago if I would have done most of my socializing online, I would have given you an emphatic no (and probably would have thrown the nearest drink in your face).  While everyone was busy glitzing up their MySpace profiles, I wagged my finger in the background swearing that social media would never take off.  Well, you can’t be right about everything.  There’s no getting around it, our lives today are inexorably tied to a little social network that you may have heard of. Read More