Miscellaneous Tag

There are few things on this earth that piss me off quite like driving. In general, I am a fairly laid-back kind of guy, save for the obvious hot-button issues. However, behind the wheel, I Hulk out. Every time. Ripped purple pants, the whole shebang; my T-shirt budget is enormous. It baffles me that normally halfway-intelligent people can instantly morph into completely bewildered, oblivious, and even pompous dumbfucks the second a one-ton steel killing machine comes into the picture – you know, the perfect time to not be a completeRead More

Humans, as a species, are so unbelievably different from one another.  Each of us is unique, so much so that we can never predict how any one person will react in a given situation. Now, some might say that this doesn’t mean anything but I’m starting to think it might.   Life and Death Every living thing on Earth makes decisions based upon instinct.  Humans have evolved to the point that our “instinct” is no longer our sole reasoning to the choices we make.  We are consciously aware that, oneRead More

If someone asked you what your favorite month was, you wouldn’t say May.   You just wouldn’t.  Unless you were born in May and are one of those people who thinks your birthday is bigger than Jesus’s, chances are your favorite time of year is around the winter holidays.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s…they’re great.  But then what?  Valentine’s Day stretches the holiday season out a little bit for some people but not everyone.  However, it is a common misconception that in between Winter and Summer is a holiday-void lull.  Did you knowRead More

Eyes open. Shit.  I’m alive. What now? Can’t I just lay here until I die?  I wish I could do that.  Maybe I could do that? What should I do?  I’m hungry.  Lie back down? Wait. Dog.  Piss.  Let’s go asshole. Unsteady legs underneath me towards the front door. The first shot shoots up my neck. The coldness of the fear envelopes my world. Not again. Wish I was a dog.  Tail fucking wagging.  He isn’t scared. You’re stupid.  Relax. Breathe. Neighbor door opens.  Not going out there.  Wait dog. Read More

I’ve recently found myself, for lack of a better hashtag…#singleasfuck. Not only that but hey, I’m a girl so I have to deal with hormones, PMS and all that fun stuff. The only guy who calls my house is Randy from Chase Visa. Just kidding, I don’t have a house phone. Anyways, drunk grocery shopping led me to find the ultimate lover: a pack of Double Stuffed Oreos. Why are they better than a man you might ask? Well girls, listen up! 1. Oreos NEVER disappoint Oreo after Oreo IRead More

(As told by a two-term Editor-In-Chief at a college newspaper)   1. Do cool stuff for free ‘on assignment’ Want to see a concert, upcoming movie, play or art exhibit? Two words: press pass. Tons of places are looking for exposure and press, and if you contact them saying your publication wants to write a review or behind-the-scenes feature, you can probably check it out for free. Other opportunities include trade shows, political events, festivals, etc. Use this power wisely. 2. Feel really cool while you talk about the coolRead More

The caps and gowns have come in, but those of us in the Class of 2014 that are still slightly in denial about the end of our college careers have kept them safely stowed in the back of the closet. As May approaches, the number of awkward small talk and networking conversations has increased exponentially, and every mention of post-grad plans has us reaching for another glass of wine and scoop of guacamole. Whether you’re an underclassmen, a mentor, or a well-meaning family member, here are the Questions College SeniorsRead More

Sensory deprivation tanks are old, but newly-popular items used to deprive oneself of sensory stimuli for the purposes of relaxation, stress relief, extra-sensory perception, or enhanced creativity. They are lightproof, soundproof tanks filled with extremely buoyant saltwater that is kept at exactly skin temperature. When one floats in one of these tanks for an extended period, he is supposed to be relieved of all light, sound, and tactile feeling, and experience relaxation and bliss. If you live in a city/town that has an “up and coming” district where hip, affluent,Read More

Since embarking on my career, I’ve gained somewhat of a reputation for myself as “that guy who’s reading instead of doing his job.”  It’s true.  While the grips are rigging and the director is doing a walkthrough with the actors, I often tuck myself into a corner somewhere and pop open a book.  None of that Kindle nonsense either – I flip through page after page of properly bound, warm-scented paper, fresh from my latest Barnes & Noble excursion or pilfered from my friends’ bookcases.  I’ll find myself so deepRead More

Smart Car Tipping Crime Spree Earlier this week in San Francisco. four Smart cars were turned on their sides in an act of vandalism. Police are investigating suspects and so far the only lead they have are reports of seven hooded figures. Someone call Snow White! Just kidding, there were no reports on their height. Authorities are also trying to decide whether these are just random crime acts or a protest/hate-crime against Smart cars. But you know what I think? I think those hipster city-folk want to have their ownRead More

It’s every man’s dream to one day climb to the greatest status that exists in all of human kind, the world, the galaxy, the universe, the whole enchilada…to be a “Slob.”  Yes, being a “Slob” takes years of dedication and persistence. The goal of every young boy is to watch “Girls” on HBO in his underwear as the dog eats the taco you left in the couch last Thursday when you “wake-and-baked” at 6am, only to forget the taco, miss class, miss work, and ask the postwoman, Shirley – who’sRead More

The TV Series, “Cosmos,” has shown a new generation of viewers what Carl Sagan did for an earlier one.  New Host, Neil deGrasse Tyson, has shown over the last few weeks how amazing and inspiring our “Cosmos” can be.  However, that sense of wonder and awe is not reflected in the way the United States government views the agency most responsible for this, NASA. The funding for NASA has steadily lost priority in the eyes of the budget makers in Washington.  We are currently at our lowest rate since theRead More

I knew it right away, after our first date, heading back to my apartment on the Metro line eight; this girl was different, awesomely different. We talked for hours as we wandered at dusk from the bars on Ile St. Louis to bars on Cité, listening to street musicians. Maybe it was Paris, maybe I became mature enough to chill out and go with the flow (probably not), or maybe it’s that she’s just a uniquely awesome girl (probably so), but also, maybe it’s just European women. In any case,Read More

In honor and celebration of my birthday, which marks 23 years of stinky cheese breath, I offer you 23 confessions of my very own…   1. My first official confession was at the guilty age of 8, when I confessed to my Catholic priest, before my first communion, that I sometimes committed the grave sin of lying to my mother when she asked if I had brushed my teeth.  One should never lie about dental hygiene.   2. In 2nd grade my meanest, cruelest act of bullying was telling aRead More

If you’re like me and go gah-gah over books then you’ll enjoy the beauty of these book stores from around the world. BBC did their research and I’m ready to jet set around the world for some visits. Here they are, in no particular order: 1. Polare, Maastrict This store in the Netherlands operates out of a 700 year old Dominican church. It is absolutely beautiful from the entrance to all the way through.   2. El Ateneo, Buenos Aires This building was originally built as a theater in 1919.Read More