If you’re like me– sixteen and thrust into a grown up world of taxes and employment before you even graduate– then you’re probably internally dying over taxes, employment, and what in God’s name the powerhouse of the cell is…because you have a biology test next week and you have no idea. If you’re not like me, congratulations, because you still have a soul hidden from the rudest people in mankind and the desperate urge to sleep. Juggling this all would’ve been easier with a handy guide to navigating the intricacies
Read MoreI’ve been in low places, like on the floor — in a matching sweat suit that wasn’t mine. While crying and kicking my feet, a teensy bit, like a two year-old in the peak of his tantrum. And the matching sweat suit was gray and didn’t belong to me and was the kind you purchase at Target in the men’s section for $11.99. And it belonged to my decently androgynous roommate who dated a pretty androgynous woman who wore the same kind of underwear. And when they walked by on
Read MoreOkay, I will never be the first person to say that getting a job when you’re allowed to is a bad thing, but I’ll also never be the person to say that getting a job is full of sunshine and rainbows and that it restores your faith in humanity, because it doesn’t– that’s a lie perpetuated by movies and TV and the occasional blogger. Nevertheless, I still have a job, for, y’know, college. To celebrate almost a full year in this particular job– whose nickname rhymes with Rickey Lee’s– I’ve
Read MoreThe thing about Tacos de Huicho, the most kickass taco place in town and probably the world, is that though they have kickass tacos they also have a not so kickass restroom setup. It’s not as bad as the one in my favorite Starbucks. The one that has the automatic light that seems to always turn off right in the middle of doing your thing. The one that seems to give up on you the way your high school English teacher did during your junior year. But it does only
Read MoreHe had a strong jaw with an athletic build. He seemed endearing and kind, but with a bit of an edge to him also. We were members of corporate America and walked the same streets of the city. I liked what I saw, so I swiped right. It was a match! It wasn’t until afterwards that I realized I probably should’ve swiped left. We chatted and sent normal people messages, an idea so foreign in the Tinder realm. He would be the first guy I might actually meet from this
Read MoreI never thought I would be exchanging battle stories with my dad when it comes to the War of Love. He’s probably thinking the exact same thing. Not that it’s brag worthy, but my dad was going out on more dates than me at one point. We never expected to be in this situation, but after losing my mom to cancer over two years ago, we find dating to be a normal topic of discussion now. Sometimes it’s hilarious and other times it’s just weird. For better or for worse,
Read MoreSo, I have kind of a problem with impulse control. If I see a cute (insert item of clothing here), and it’s not that expensive, I’ll usually buy it without much thought to whether it fits into my budget (lol, what’s a budget), or whether it fits into my wardrobe (but it’s cute! Who cares if I never wear it?) It’s something that I’m trying to work on. This past month I tried to go shopping-free, as in, I tried not to buy anything, except for food and toiletries (not
Read MoreIt’s easy to always put the blame on your end, to think and assume that every fiasco is because of your doing, to just apologize even when it’s beyond your control. You have grown so attached to the notion that saying sorry will always make up for things, will always restore them back to how they are. I regret to break this to you but no, ‘sorry’ isn’t a magic word you can just blurt out to get things working how they used to be. You have to realize that
Read More1. Essays essentially write themselves. That night before the essay is due…It always seems to be a little darker outside. A little more calm. The feeling of not being prepared because you haven’t started that five-page paper that’s due tomorrow for your gen-ed class that doesn’t really matter that much so you let the assignment slip through the cracks. We’ve all been there. Being an English major makes that a lot easier. Sure, you’ll actually have to sit down, shut up, turn off Netflix and write more papers than the
Read MoreBy the time you read this I’ll be 29, probably. One last year of my 20s. It’s settling on me like the realization that five compartments were flooding settled on Thomas Andrews, my 20s will be over. I will become 30… I wished that I had developed a better vision for what I wanted my life to be like when I was 30. If I had I probably wouldn’t be broke & living in my parents’ house in west Michigan. Maybe not majoring in Philosophy would’ve helped too. But this
Read MoreMy third grade self had planned on getting married when I was twenty and having children when I was twenty-two. (Even then I knew I would need at least a year of designated binge drinking before being responsible for another human). I was going to be a writer when I grew up and I was going to live by the beach. I loved the beach. It was inconceivable to me that there might be restrictions to the planning of these life events. It might be hard to find a husband.
Read MoreWhile we all eagerly wait for Jesus to once again pop up from the dead (and doesn’t he take his sweet time), like the most anticipated pop tart that a hungry morning ever saw, our Catholic mothers have been reminding us for ages (or maybe just a week) to decide the Thing we will give up for Lent. This Thing is something of great importance, as we will all publicly post about it in order to be held accountable. With this sacrifice, there is a great chasm between what mother/Jesus
Read MoreIf I didn’t have people I loved and I wasn’t an indentured servant to my student loans, the chances are high that I would be a full-fledged hermit woman by now. All I would need is a good cave, a good book, and maybe some Hot Cheetos. Still, somehow, when I receive a social invitation, my first instinct is to say yes. It’s only hours before the event that I realize I’ve made a huge mistake. For fellow introverts, here is my humble hermit advice: Under-Promise and Over-Deliver The
Read MoreI’m not in the mood to write a big introduction, so too bad. #NoIntroZone (#TheyKnoooowBetter) 1. You rely on the sheer size of the internet to shield you from attention, kind of like how the last place anyone would notice you would be in a huge throng of people. Actually, it’s exactly like that. It’s paradoxical, but it works…except for when it doesn’t. 2. When it doesn’t work, you’re like, “Damn, how’d they find me?” But I mean, the answer is pretty fucking obvious. They found you in the same
Read MoreI pulled back the drapes, my drapes, white and wilted. Fog lied ferociously across the glass. And lonely, little drops of condensation were flung about. Ignorant, because they weren’t alone, but part of a larger collection of one morning. I was intrigued that I could do that myself. It didn’t take the breath of two bodies: one slightly cigarette scented and the other certain. It didn’t take sex. It didn’t take a whole night’s sleep of spooning and swaying under shoved down sheets. Just me. In the middle of my bed. Without
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