Humor Tag

While we all eagerly wait for Jesus to once again pop up from the dead (and doesn’t he take his sweet time), like the most anticipated pop tart that a hungry morning ever saw, our Catholic mothers have been reminding us for ages (or maybe just a week) to decide the Thing we will give up for Lent. This Thing is something of great importance, as we will all publicly post about it in order to be held accountable. With this sacrifice, there is a great chasm between what mother/JesusRead More

If I didn’t have people I loved and I wasn’t an indentured servant to my student loans, the chances are high that I would be a full-fledged hermit woman by now. All I would need is a good cave, a good book, and maybe some Hot Cheetos. Still, somehow, when I receive a social invitation, my first instinct is to say yes. It’s only hours before the event that I realize I’ve made a huge mistake. For fellow introverts, here is my humble hermit advice:   Under-Promise and Over-Deliver TheRead More

Phoenix Skylark needs no introduction. As the world’s foremost non-author, he’s made headlines since his first foray into the literary community some 5 years ago. Now, it’s hard to imagine a world without him. Our News Feeds are so cluttered with articles from “10 Reasons Traveling is Right for Your Relationship and You Won’t Believe What I Say” to the “Puppy That Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity” to the tides of BuzzFeed quizzes that the barrage sometimes threatens to overwhelm us. Luckily, pioneers like Skylark have stepped forward andRead More

1. It’s really hard, and you enjoy a more casual amount of exercise. Walking from the couch to the fridge, for example. 2. Those weird pull-ups thy do look dumb and probably don’t even work. I bet you can do 30 of them in a row already. Go ahead, try it. 3. Your ego would really take a hit getting put to shame by a ripped and gorgeous Crossfit girl, better not risk it. 4. You don’t want to lift weights and get bulky like a man, you prefer yourRead More

It’s time to stop kidding ourselves.   Resolution #1: Lose weight Actual outcome: Go to the gym a couple times a week but still eat like shit and drink like a frat boy on the weekends, resulting in maybe a pound lost and regained over the course of a month. Rinse, repeat.   Resolution #2: Cook for myself and stop eating pasta and salad every night like a scrub Actual outcome: Maybe cook quinoa or lentils every once in a while. Continue to buy the Publix pre-made roasted chicken.   Resolution #3: Keep a budgetRead More

All men everywhere, I am certain, have wondered at least once what their underwear choice says about them. And let’s not disregard the neurotic women of the Millennial generation that Google-search this exact title moments after Paul, or Greg, or Jeff with the butt-chin has left her sexed sheets on a Sunday morning. Mark Twain insists that one should “write what you know.” After years of observations, demonstrations, and ruminations of friends, landlords, brothers, and a significant others of the straight and semi-straight variety and their chonies I feel confidentRead More

I used to go on Yelp to help me decide where to go to eat or get takeout. I don’t really do that anymore. Why? Because despite the assertion that Yelp exists ostensibly for this purpose, I’ve found that it skews largely negative, at least where I live. I suppose this makes sense in some way. People are more likely to be moved to write a review of a restaurant if they’ve had a bad experience there. (People fucking LOVE bitching about stuff.) Otherwise they’re too busy stuffing their facesRead More

I didn’t delete my Netflix. Why would anyone do that shit? Netflix rocks.  Read More

Like you, I love Netflix.  I love the catalog of shows at my finger tips and the blatant disregard Netflix marathons represent for my well being and productivity as a human being.  Just over this Thanksgiving holiday I watched at least 12 episodes of a TV show.  Also like you, I enjoy reading Writtalin. That’s why this week I’m just straight rippin off the fine commentary of one Sara F Carter who has the Criminal Minds analysis game on lock.  I’m sure many of us binge watched TV shows and IRead More

You’ve thought about starting a running list of people who might want to murder you, so you could save the police the step of having them question your friends and family and having them be like, “Nobody would want to hurt Sara, everybody loved her” and wasting precious time. But then you think about it and you really can’t think of anyone who would murder you, and are overcome with the crippling fear that if you get murdered the cops will have no leads. If you’re walking to your carRead More

Times are tough, man. I get it. Jobs are few and far between, and what little money you have seems to buy less and less as the days progress. It’s not out of the question that you would look to the adult film industry to help supplement your fledgling or altogether nonexistent income. There is nothing wrong with that. You have to do what you have to do. And if sex is involved, you’re probably not going to get a lot of sympathy from me. But you also don’t reallyRead More

It was one of those classic San Francisco mornings.  In other words, I was hungover and there were homeless men sleeping outside my 6-floor building downtown.  I liked where I lived.  It was “different.”  Moreover, it was my first studio apartment and when I lifted my murphy bed back into the wall, I could dance in my underwear by myself or with a special friend, depending on the day of the week.  I had left suburbia and entered a city where I could sort of see my entire future unfolding.  TheRead More

The holiday season is upon us! Rejoice! It’s the most wonderful time of the year, full of good times with family, friends, and credit card debt. While the holidays are wonderful, they do present their own set of challenges. Here are some typical trying scenarios and some creative solutions to help you successfully navigate the holiday season.     Scenario One: Your Aunt Cathy is convinced she has a gluten allergy. Unfortunately, Cathy hosts Thanksgiving every year. She plans on subjecting your entire family to a gluten-free Thanksgiving dinner, withRead More

I am a guy who likes to watch porn every once in a while. And my neighbor has a pretty solid wireless network, so I’m able to enjoy near-limitless streaming of all my favorite videos. Sometimes I’m so enraptured by the technology and the fact that I can watch porn until the cows come home that I end up watching vaguely shameful things until the sun rises, because I live in a city where there are no cows, and as such am unable to discern when they even start theirRead More

One of my all-time favorite television series, HBO’s Boardwalk Empire, just wrapped up in flawless fashion a few weeks ago. One of my other obsessions, Sons of Anarchy, is sprinting to the finish line, with only three episodes remaining in the final season. What makes many shows go down as legendary as opposed to just good is how well the show ties up all the loose ends in a finale. Take Breaking Bad, for example. While not everyone loved the finale, and many folks thought Walter White was able to redeem himself a littleRead More