Funny Tag

When this oversized guinea pig came onto the scene it was immediately Capybara against the world. When this bird showed up When someone put this paper bag around his head When this caiman came ashore When some dude offered up corn on the cob When someone put him in a motherfuckin’ cage When he got busy with his lady in public When he went to mexico When this monkey wanted a ride When he went out for drinks with all his friends When he threw Tessa a birthday partyRead More

Some men are better off on our TV screens…   Jax Teller – Sons of Anarchy Relationship Status: Married to Tara Knowles. Cat’s out of the bag: girls like bad boys. Jax Teller is the King of bad boys. He wears leather and rides a motorcycle. BRB, swooning. Played with the perfect balance of boyish charm and take-no-prisoners badassery by the gem that is Charlie Hunnam, Jax Teller has taken up permanent residency in the fantasies of ladies everywhere. Sadly, Jax is best as just a fantasy. Despite his “good” intentionsRead More

  We’ve all been there, man.  Read More

The other day at my nerdy retail job, I was once again reminded that I don’t get paid enough when a middle-aged stranger (as he was purchasing Playboy and a bar of Godiva chocolate) licked his lips and said, “You should call me.  I could look into those big, beautiful eyes all night.  Are you Persian?”  Good lord. It’s no secret that my workplace breeds the occasional overly-flirtatious man.  Perhaps it’s some sort of power-trip that guys need to ride in order to feel masculine, or maybe it’s because we sell TheRead More

Some people go through life blissfully ignorant of all the horrible, disgusting germs that are literally everywhere. Other people carry the burden of constant fear, paranoia, and revulsion from living in a world contaminated by germs. These people are called Germaphobes. Germaphobes are faced with many challenges on a daily basis, as their phobia robs them of the joys that non-Germaphobes get to experience, such as…   Ball pits Ah, Ball pits. Ball pits are a childhood staple of seemingly innocent fun. Wrong! Ball pits are full of heinous germsRead More

It’s 2014 and everyone is trying to win the Internet.  Or perhaps more accurately, the Instagram.  We all know why Beyoncé has 12 million screaming followers, but why does that 18-year-old nobody have 25k followers while your fan-base is dropping by the day?  Well, there are two reasons.  1) That 18-year-old is hot and has established a brand in the fashion industry.  2) You’re probably doing something wrong. Due to the undiagnosed depression I suffered after finding out my so-called “friend” unfollowed me (stay away from Statigram), I now take this social medium a little too seriously.Read More

Now, before I make a complete ass out of myself, I’d like to take the time to apologize for what I’ve just written.  After too many beers and far too little common sense, my watching of the Miss America Pageant became much more than a planned Sunday of inactivity. With stupidity at an all time high, I felt the need to support the feminist movement in the wake of the controversy surrounding the newly crowned Miss America which was probably the dumbest thing I could have done. Nevertheless, I amRead More

2014 is the year to start thinking outside the box for your summer vacation. Consider some of these intriguing fictional destinations for a most memorable trip.   The Shire With beautiful scenery and legendary charm, the Shire is the perfect destination for those who enjoy a Bed and Breakfast type vibe. Or, I should say Bed and Second Breakfast. You can kick back with a pint and a pipe. Everyone is very friendly and knows how to party. Though, you may find accommodations a little, um, cramped.   King’s LandingRead More

I realize this title is misleading and before you ask, no, I did not get a boob job. I did, however, go on birth control which made me go up a cup size (estrogen, TURN UP). Going from not really having boobs to having a respectable amount of boobage is a weird transition to go through overnight (okay, over the course of a month or so). Here are some struggles I’ve faced and continue to face now that my boobs are considerably larger.   Struggles of Big Boobs 1. SleepingRead More

A Self-Help Essay By Dotty Getting robbed is a scary thing and your first reaction is to comply with everything your assailant is demanding. I believe all of us who have been a victim of robbery in a foreign country can relate. In the moments afterward you feel helpless, victimized, and are discouraged by thoughts of having to continue. I vowed from that day forward, if I was ever robbed again, I would be in-control of the situation. Therefore, after months of research, I came up with a method thatRead More

In honor of New York’s first shot at the Stanley Cup since ’94 and my good old Brooklyn roots, I’ve spent the majority of my weeknights this playoff season plopped in front of three or four unnecessarily large televisions at the bar across the street from my apartment (I don’t get NBC). My Ranger-fan friends believe strongly in ju-ju (urban dictionary: Gypsy word for luck). In other words, they believe in watching the game where you watched the last win (and will make you stay in the kitchen if theyRead More

HBO’s Silicon Valley ended it’s debut season with the episode, “Optimal Tip-To-Tip Efficiency.” The guys at Pied Piper started the season with a simple algorithm for a compression company. What any of that means, not even main character Richard Hendricks knew until the very end of the season, and even then he changed the whole face of the company in the show’s final moments. Along the way, he had the help of a hilarious group of techies all incubating under the roof of Aviato founder, Erlich Bachman. Hats off to comedian TJRead More

The 2014 World Cup will kick off in Brazil within the next few weeks, and if futbol isn’t really your thing, perhaps I can interest you in eye candy galore. Beware – this may be the most unattractive team the U.S.A. has ever brought to the World Cup, but there is no need to fear, 31 other countries will be bringing the heat as well.   1. Tim Howard I’m in love with Tim Howard. Yes, he plays keeper and is therefore an automatic leader on the team – super cool.Read More

Growing up in the ’90s, it was hard to deny the magic of the Spice Girls.  They taught us about girl power, friendship, platform sneakers, and they made a movie worthy of significant fame and praise that is still played at sleepovers today.  Some of us were even exposed to our first ever tanned male ass via assless silky tuxedo pants in that very film. It was natural for us to emulate such role models on the playground.  Every girl had a Spice Girl she identified with (and if youRead More

As I walked into lecture today, to my surprise, I noticed that my professor, who is regarded so highly in the world of academia, decided to use Comic Sans on the lecture slides. Believe me, it took every ounce of self-control within me to not walk right out then and there. Professor, I respect you immensely as an intellect, and you are far more learned that I may ever be. However, let me tell you exactly why I can’t take you seriously with Comic Sans: Some may say Comic SansRead More