Funny Tag

I don’t listen to the radio often, but today I felt the urge to listen to some top 40 hits. TGIF, ya know? I caught wind of the new Tiesto song, “Wasted.” Or maybe it’s not new, I don’t know what’s on the radio these days. But anyways. I started listening to this song and I mean REALLY listening and all I could think was how every statement in this song is so wrong. So let me break it down for you.   1. “I like it better when we’reRead More

First dates are like interviews. At least in my experience. Every halfway decent one I’ve ever been on is a volley of questions, as if both parties are reporters and the person across the table is his or her subject. Except instead of writing about them, both people are tasked with trying to decide whether this person has enough potential to be included in future plans – whether that is a second date, a night of wild sex, and/or everlasting love. But in my experience, these questions have been mostlyRead More

I don’t mind being naked.  And I’m a fairly decent dancer.  I’ve graduated from college and now I’m just waiting for the world to realize how great I am!  In the meantime, it seems I am pretty well-equipped for a certain career. The first thing I’ll need to do is expand my stripper heel collection.  Like, I might actually have to buy a pair.  Only I’d like to work in the kind of place that would encourage the Spice Girls style shoe, more of a platform tennis shoe.  I’m wonderingRead More

Last week an amazing YouTube video graced the world with its presence. Basically, homegirl just got her wisdom teeth out (ouch) and is still loopy from the anesthesia (ughh jealous). This video was a compilation of vines she posted, that have sense been deleted… but the short clips have become a short film, that will be featured in the Sundance film festival because it is that good. Kidding- but honestly this shit is amazing. She has just expressed every white-girl fantasy in 30 seconds… I mean we were all thinkingRead More

A new study done by the National Environmental Warming Syndicate (N.E.W.S.) proves that many recent changes in the world can be blamed on climate change. The rising sea levels that will finally sadly wipe out Florida within the next century are now not the only thing being linked to the rising temperatures on earth. Most atmospheric scientists, with the exception of the few who got online degrees, agree that climate change is happening now at a rapid pace. Since I know that nobody will actually read anything at all thatRead More

My first and only time as a figure model prompted a disapproving, “You’re better than this,” text from my mother with a warning about ruining my reputation.  But it was much classier than that.  It was life modeling.  I was Rose and they were my Jacks, all 7 of them, drawing me like their French girls.     I dropped my towel on the small stage and it  was like a public humiliation dream come true, except I wasn’t embarrassed.  I only got embarrassed when I thought about what wouldRead More

A girl power playlist of all these great songs you totally forgot about. Ladies night karaoke anyone? Nasty Girl – Destiny’s Child (2002) This Destiny’s Child jam was overshadowed by the singles “Survivor” and “Bootylicious” off of their third studio album, also titled “Survivor.” It’s a fun, sassy song with catty lyrics like “Shakin’ that thang on that man / Lookin’ all stank and nasty / Swore you look cute girl in them dukes / Booty all out lookin’ trashy.” Damn. This song might not fly if released today considering it’s totally slutRead More

Hello my name is Shannon. Professionals tell me that I suffer from both generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I used to be pretty pissed off about that, until I realized that, “you have a mental illness” is actually code for, “the universe is turning your life into a comedy.” Here’s what that comedy consists of:   Panic Attacks: I like to think the way I gulp air and struggle to breathe while I’m experiencing a panic attack is somehow cute and endearing. In my mind, I look like I’m practicingRead More

It’s already been established that the best time to be a kid ever in the history of the universe was the 90’s. Many awesome factors contributed to this, but none quite as sugary as some of the epic treats. Let’s take a moment to remember the deliciousness and be grateful that nobody really cared about whether or not anything was organic back then.   Mondo/Squeezeits It’s hard to say what was more awesome about the Mondo/Squeezeit drinking experience. The cool plastic bottles with the twist-off caps or the fact that youRead More

Dogs and cats are both awesome in their own ways, don’t get me wrong. But I can’t be the only one who fantasizes about owning some weird, unique pets. Here are 10 animals that would make fantastic pets.Get your exotic animal licenses ready!   #10 – Pygmy Marmoset Weighing just over 3 ounces and measuring about 5 inches tall, the pygmy marmoset is the world’s smallest monkey. Having a regular monkey would be pretty dope, but having one that fits in the palm of your hand? UNREAL COOL. Plus, youRead More

I have fallen for a 46-year-old redhead.  He’s brilliant.  He’s weird.  He’s Louis CK. Louis Szekely, famously known as Louis CK, is my favorite comedian to date.  The multi-talented actor, writer, director, and stand-up comedian has the ability to say the most unfathomably crude joke while simultaneously proving a point.   From utterly hilarious to downright depressing, he just goes there.  You know, “there.”  Often compared to Woody Allen, Louis makes you laugh, but moreover he makes you think. Perhaps that is why he is worth 12 million dollars today.  You go, Glen Coco.Read More

Everyone using Snapchat has those friends who send out excessive amounts of Snapchats every day. If you are one of those annoying assholes people, you are in luck. This article will help you refrain from sending the Snapchats that make everyone watch for the first second and click to skip to the next dumb ass Snapchat story.   The “It’s only 11 a.m. and I’m drunk” Snap You’re really not that cool. We all woke up at 8 A.M a few times (most Saturdays) in college still drunk off ourRead More

A while back I wrote “Rappers I’d Totally Kick it with in a Non-Sexual Way,” and in the name of more rapper-inspired lists that no one cares about but me, I’m coming back at ya with my list of rappers with the sexiest voices. Everyone always asks what got little ol’ white me into rap…well this is one of the reasons, albeit a very small one. Just a warning: some of these voices may be NSFW. I recommend having a change of underwear near by. Here we go:   5.Read More

Everyone puts a foot in their mouth at some point, but these celebrities are about knee deep in foot gobbling. Check out these 13 ridiculous celebrity quotes: 1. Rick Ross on losing 100 pounds: “I eat pears now and shit.” 2. Sylvester Stallone on art or reincarnation…We aren’t sure which: “The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can’t change. After I die, I’ll probably come back as a paintbrush.” 3. Gwyneth Paltrow on nutrition: “I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin.” 4.Read More

Here’s what happened: 5 points to anyone who laughed at that reference. So here’s what happened: I was at my tied-for-favorite bar in Atlanta (it’s Mother, in case any ATLiens are reading this) and for whatever reason my friends were off doing something and I was left to my own devices for the moment (always a bad idea). Actually, in retrospect, I probably just went downstairs to pee, which goes to show you how much damage I can do in 10 minutes. Anyway, so I’m downstairs minding my own businessRead More