Funny Tag

1. A$AP Ferg, Lac Lac: “A$AP, the vision’s so clear / I can see you haters from here / Can’t knock me outta my chair / My flow you won’t come near” Really I could have stopped at A$AP the vision’s so clear, because like wtf that sounds like a bad line from a fight song. “Harris Hall, the vision’s so clear.” And the rest doesn’t really warrant an analysis because it’s just lame. Straight-up lame.   2. Big K.R.I.T., “What You Know About It”: Suicide doors, Cobaine on ’em.Read More

The Ice Bucket Challenge is supposed to be an awareness and fundraising campaign for the fight against ALS where people either donate $100 to the ALS Association, or dump an ice cold bucket of water on their heads and then donate $10 to the ALS Association. Then they get to challenge three other people to do one of those two things. Many uninformed people are just dumping a bucket of ice on their heads and then challenging other people to do the same, which doesn’t do a whole hell ofRead More

It was one of those nights that the busy burrito place down the street makes you alter your seating arrangement three times. From a table that could seat eight, to the end of another wobbly legged one, to finally suggesting a back-corner table by the bathroom door. We made clumsy eye contact with those who entered the bathroom and shut the door facing outwards. Rejecting previous offers for an additional plate for this shared burrito meant that the manner in which I splayed burrito guts out of tortillas couldn’t beRead More

The stories you are about to read are all 100% true. Names, locations, and other identifying characteristics have not been changed to protect the innocent. Namely, because the only innocent person in these scenarios is me.   10. Guy: “I’m not gonna bust inside you, I’m a nice Jewish boy.” Me: *Nopes the fuck out*   9. Guy mumbles something. Me: “What?” Guy: “I’m tired.” Then proceeds to roll over and pass tf out on top of me. In a twin bed. While I am struck with the undeniable andRead More

  1. When you are out to dinner with that one friend that only has a credit card     2. When there is something in your contacts     3. When you are at a big family dinner       4. When you are at work hungover       5. When someone questions your driving ability       6. When you realize the Kardashians really aren’t that cool       7. When you are trying to diet… but pizza is forever       8. When yourRead More

The Teen Choice Awards aired this past weekend. My 25th birthday is next week. The combination of these two things has brought upon me the realization that I’m getting old. The following is how I know I’m getting old…   I had no idea who any of the “stars” at the Teen Choice Awards were…   …except for Donald Sutherland. He’s a Hollywood legend. Who the hell are those hooligans standing next to him? Seriously. And what’s a Zendaya? Why do all the fan groups name themselves, isn’t that how cultsRead More

Bananas are typically a gentle, mellow fruit.  The shell of their sweet meat is a harbinger of peace and tranquility.  Generally harmless, these fruits can exhibit passive signs of aggressiveness (should they be provoked) that, if not taken seriously, could lead to major repercussions for our diet as human beings.  Here are some things to avoid:   1. Separating it from its bunch Bananas are a pack fruit, they hang out in family groups–much like the Brady bunch.  In fact, a group of wild bananas is referred to as aRead More

A strange thing happened to me when I started working in marketing and advertising: I started to look at everything within the context of marketing and advertising. I wouldn’t say I’ve become obsessed with branding; it’s more like my eye for and appreciation of branding has bled from my work life into the rest of it, so that I can no longer discern the two. For the layman: a brand is a name or other feature that makes one product distinct from its competition. And a huge part of anyRead More

They’re back, America. After last year’s chart-topping, breakthrough single, “Football on Your Phone,” the Manning brothers have returned to the music biz with their latest smash hit, “Fantasy Football Fantasy.” Watch below as everyone’s favorite awkward, white quarterbacks get straight ill on the track. The rap game will never be the same again.    Read More

NBC recently announced the Season 16 cast of its hit show The Biggest Loser. This season’s theme: “Glory Days”. The cast is made up of 20 former athletes, including former Olympic gold medalists, standout college athletes and ex-NFL players Scott Mitchell and Damien Woody. Evidently Mitchell has put on about 130lbs since his QB days and Damien Woody’s growing tired of his burly linesman’s figure. I know there are a hell of a lot of other NFL players that will need some Biggest Loser treatment after their careers come toRead More

1. White males are statistically wayyyyy more likely to be serial killers. Source.   2. If I go on a beach date with a white guy, I’ll have to stop my sea-frolicking every 30 minutes so he can put on sunscreen. Or worse, I’ll have to help him apply it on his back in those hard-to-reach places. I hate touching people’s backs.   3. My dad is white. I do not have daddy issues.   4. White guys listen to bands like Death Cab for Cutie and Panic! At theRead More

Just as some men are better off on our TV screens, these fellas are definitely better off on the Silver Screen… Aragorn, The Lord of the Rings Relationship Status: It’s Complicated with Arwen Aragorn is a handsome Prince who is loyal and brave, not to mention he has a big sword and knows how to use it. But chances are all his brooding would get old fast. He’s constantly in mortal danger and like, yeah, it’s all for the greater good to save the world whatever, but can you imagine how stressful it’d beRead More

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: Re: Confirmed! Randy’s Chinese Food received your order. Estimated delivery: 45-60 minutes. [12:11 a.m.] To Whom It May Concern— Please cancel this order. When I placed it mere moments ago, the Seamless website told me there had been an error, and that I should start from the beginning and order again. Being in the famished state I am, I opted to not give Seamless another try. It’d be a waste of valuable time if I were to recreate the order only to find another errorRead More

So I live with two random dudes. I don’t know them (it’s a long story) and before you ask, no I’m not sleeping with either of them. Usually it’s totally cool and living with guys is better in some ways than living with girls (a topic I will cover soon, coming to an article near you). Except. Except this morning when one of my roommates (I don’t know which one) took a full 40 minutes in the bathroom. 40! It made me a half hour late to work all becauseRead More

Oh boy. I could make this list about 3,000 people long, but I doubt you’d want to read it any more than I want to write it. So instead, we’ll focus on the absolute worst of the worst; here are the 5 celebrities that I utterly, completely hate. (And yes, Plain White Tees, I am aware that hate is a strong word…but I mean it).   #5 – Blake Shelton I don’t know why, really. Maybe it’s his utter lack of talent, or maybe it’s because he hosts the freaking Voice. MostlyRead More