1. Putting out those “Leave your S.O. for me, he/she can’t love you like I can” songs. My bae, God’s voice bestowed upon us in human earthly form, Sam Smith has this song called “Leave Your Lover,” which is exactly what it sounds like. Like bruhhhh, why does this trope exist? Of course her man can’t love her like you can, but maybe that’s why she chose to be with him over you? You think you can love her “more,” that’s debatable, but more is not necessarily better. You can put
Read MoreWhere Boys Hide Their Boners When a guy pops a boner in basketball shorts, there’s only one place to hide. My first boyfriend taught me where boys keep their boners. One night he took me to a scenic overlook that had a view of the city which I enjoyed from the inside of my boyfriend’s mouth as we made out against a high-standing stone wall. (That is to say, I did not actually enjoy much of the view because we were otherwise occupied). He was a giant at 6’3″ to
Read MoreSomewhere along the line you fell into The Gap. And, without really wondering why this had happened, you eventually resigned yourself to not ever making your way back out. #dressnormal, I guess. You have way more negative opinions on pumpkin spice flavored beverages and pumpkin spice scented paraphernalia than is warranted or reasonable, and your reason isn’t that you have something against gourds or that you don’t very much enjoy the autumnal time of the year, but because you feel like you should be against all of these things because
Read More1. The Invisible Rope Prank 2. Buttered Floors Prank 3. Spoon Prank 4. The Force Elevator 5. Air horn under the chair pranks (or Air horn as a door stop works)
Read MoreHopelessly in love with… Your totally oblivious best friend Your best friend you probably has you in the friend-zone Your roommate Someone who lives a world away Someone who’s totally out of your league Someone who’s taken Your friend’s totally-off-limits boyfriend/girlfriend That person you’ve been staring at for the past forever Someone too old for you Someone too young for you Your totally dreamy boss/coworker Your totally dreamy teacher Someone you just met Someone you haven’t even met yet Someone on the Internet A celebrity who doesn’t know you exist
Read MoreStarting the “I Hate Sara Club” because he clearly hates me. I don’t exactly know what I did, but he totally hates me now. There’s no other explanation. Showing all his friends my text and laughing at it. “Bro, look at this. This bitch just asked me ‘what’s up.’” “Smfh, these girls are so thirsty, man.” At the Verizon store trying to fix his phone because he totally wanted to text me back—he really did—but his phone blew up, like literally, not just from my texts. At the bottom of
Read MoreI couldn’t fully grasp this concept until recently. And by recently I mean when I found out Heath Ledger died and I tried to watch 10 Things I Hate About You. I thought it was a fluke, that one of my favorite films from my youth would solicit such a sadness. I told myself it was only sad because he was so young himself as a serenading sparkplug, and I tried again with Brokeback Mountain, but I still could not see his face on screen without being subject to unsolicited emotions. I can never enjoy
Read MoreShe is always excited – OMG! Always has a witty come back She can give you words of encouragement She appreciates carbs as much as you do When you aren’t sure if you should go to Vegas… She reminds you what is important. She will love watching reality TV just as much as you do
Read MoreLet me preface this by saying that I found myself wanting to perform a social experiment that I could write about and somehow I ended up here. Internet Boyfriend. Also, for those of you who know the sick and freaky world of the internet, let me tell you I was completely safe and made my boundaries very clear from the start. Inspired by an unfortunate incident of phone-in-toilet and being a month away from an upgrade (which led to the temporary use of an old non-smart phone), I turned to
Read MoreWhen you are waiting for Dominos to be delivered Wait… did you say you ordered pizza?! When you realize — Holy shit! Is that a spider?! When you are at your desk all day and someone asks if you want to grab Starbucks When you have to use the restroom and there is a
Read MoreMoving back in with your parents isn’t glamorous. I think we all know that, some better than others. But that’s where I’m at–in my childhood home, being stretched to the limits with Mama Darling, Papa Darling, my two adult brothers, and me. It’s like a second childhood, only minus Sister Darling. With all these people packed into the house, it’s hard to catch any time alone, but when I do… 1. I Drink a Diet Coke First Thing After Waking Up Let’s be real, it’s 11AM anyways and
Read More She will always help set the tone for the Pre-game. She can out drink anyone under the table, over the table, on the table – whatever. She always comes to parties prepared… She handles hostile situations with class and a with martini in hand She understands the importance of drinking She always has the best dance moves Now – Good day! … Yes…
Read MoreDespite her recent nip slip, J. Law is probably the realest actress to step into Hollywood within the past few decades. Not just because she knows how to handle a topple at the Oscars, but because she set a realistic role model for women of all ages. I’ll fully admit that I absolutely love this girl. She’s got wit for days, she knows how to laugh at herself, and she can throw the f-bomb without it seeming too vulgar. So in honor of newly leaked confidence, here are some Lawrence quotes
Read MoreSometimes we get caught up worrying about the little things. We worry about the bills getting paid, our appearances, what others think of us, North Korea. I’m here to tell you that you shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. Here are some things that you should actually be worrying about. Aliens Odds are, they’re out there. Think about it. And if they are out there it’s only a matter of time before they come after us. I highly doubt humans are properly equipped to battle Extraterrestrials. Like, hello? Have you watched
Read MoreShade is an attitude, a form of expression, a lifestyle. Below are some common faces of Shade that happen on the regular, and are always #judgingyou. 1. The “…hmmm” confused shade Examples of when and where this shade could be used: – When someone is trying to push their beliefs on you. – When the teacher is explaining the upcoming assignment. 2. The “… uhh whatever..” Shade Examples of when and where this shade could be used: – When someone beat you in a debate (i.e. Amber vs.
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