Funny Tag

Where I come from, and in many small-town parts of the country, high school coaches are the most respected and revered public figures in the neighborhood. Growing up, I kind of accepted this and even bought into it a little bit. It’s not until you get older and have the benefits of real life experience and hindsight that you realize how absolutely bonkers this is. I mean, watch TV for 20 minutes on a Saturday and you’ll realize that people who coach football (and most popular sports) are, for theRead More

Like many other sports writers, I have ranked all 32 teams in the NFL at the midpoint of the season. Unlike any of them, I have written a haiku to sum up each team’s season. I think it’s the most effective way. Let’s get started. #32 – Oakland Raiders No playoffs forever This year is no different Will they win one game?   #31 – New York Jets When Michael Vick is Your team’s best shot at winning You must really suck   #30 – Jacksonville Jaguars Congrats Jaguars fans! YouRead More

Hopefully by now you’ve seen Tru Tv’s The Carbonaro Effect, which premiered this summer to rave reviews from audiences and critics alike. Using a unique blend of magic and prankster-esque comedy, the shows titular magician, Michael Carbonaro, dupes unsuspecting people into believing the impossible. If you’re unfamiliar with the show, you can read my first interview with Carbonaro to see what he’s all about. In the first half of Season 1, Carbonaro was able to pop bowling balls out of flat packages, assemble a live duck with spare parts, andRead More

There’s nothing like a nice cocktail after a long day. There are hundreds of cocktail recipes out there, classics like Cosmos and Old Fashioneds, and then more obscure cocktails, like the ones below. Let’s be honest, not everyone keeps bitters on hand. We’re not all born bartenders. These cocktails are more practical, more convenient. Here are the essential cocktail recipes for everyday life. The Bad Day What You’ll Need: Vodka, anger, a desperate desire to numb it all. Directions: Pour vodka directly into your throat. Wince. Ask yourself if youRead More

With Halloween fast approaching, it’s the time of year to curl up on the couch with a bowl of candy corn and watch a scary movie. There are the classics like The Exorcist, The Shining, The Amityville Horror, one of the 8,036 Saw movies…or you could go a less traditional route, you unique snowflake you, and watch one of these utterly horrifying non-horror movies.   Sex and the City 2 Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha are back and they’re…still complaining. After a decade of bitching, these wealthy, successful women whoRead More

Where is the happiest place on earth…? Disneyland? WRONG. SoCal Corgi Beach Day! Yes. A day at the beach with hundreds of corgis.  Needless to say it was the Best Day of the Year!           Corgis Playing in the Sand Winston the White Corgi was there!         Working on their Tan         Corgis with GoPros… duh.          Dressed to the Nines! My kind of super hero…         Finding some shade…        Read More

My feelings about online dating are very unserious.  That’s why I chose OkCupid.  No one is searching for their eternal companion there, unless their standards are limbo-dance low.  It’s no eHarmony with commercials of middle-aged couples finding happiness  together through the internet.  This website doesn’t have commercials because the users just go Ehhh…okay, Cupid, fine, I’ll give online dating a try. My labors were not extensive and my profile was playful, but brief.  Still, I have found great success thanks to Cupid and my inability to say no.  These areRead More

Dear Uterus, We’ve had a tumultuous thirteen-year reign. I didn’t know you existed until I was marred by the woes of your lining shedding that made me wish I had a penis post-sixth grade graduation. We both know it’s unoriginal for a woman to rant about her period blood and this stigma is especially evident in the same world I whine about upper management at my company being men. So dear Uterus, I hope you appreciate the hypocrisy I am engaging in to pursue this letter to you. Thank you forRead More

There’s a new show on YouTube called The New Show (stay with me). It’s new, relatively speaking, and should be required viewing for gifted millennials who have forgotten that MSNBC does, in fact, exist. This isn’t a condemnation of the aforementioned New Show. Rather, it is a reminder that television news channels (like MSNBC) are real. They report the news. They give us ebola updates. And some of us pay attention. Now. Here’s the great thing about The New Show: it doesn’t matter if you watch the television news orRead More

My life is hard, okay? 1. I was starving but there was nothing in my fridge that I actually wanted to eat. 2. I really had to pee but was too lazy to get up. 3. Photoshop caused all the programs I was running to move too fucking slow. 4. They were doing construction for the 17 billionth time on the one road I take to work (seriously, at this point just let it be), making me at least 10 minutes later than I might have been otherwise. 5. TheRead More

“Here’s to God and football and, 10 years from now, Street, good friends livin’ large in Texas.” ~Tim Riggins, Fictional American Hero, Dillon Panthers Fullback.   Many professional football players love God very, very much, if their on-field behavior is to be believed. You know what I’m talking about if you’ve ever watched even a quarter of football. Ostensibly, everything they do is for him (or her). But does God love football players very, very much? We decided to sit down with the Big Man (or woman?! We’ll never tell!)Read More

There’s a certain amount of  tact present when conversing with acquaintances. These aren’t your people that arrive with vodka and a burrito when something horrid has happened to you. They are the co-workers of your friends that have a homely, three-limbed dog, or perhaps your friend’s Craigslist roommate that masturbates loudly. Sometimes you get stuck in the backseat of their cars after a group-camping expedition and you spill ketchup on their seatbelt buckle and don’t tell them. Whoever they are, you have certainly never connected with them on a personalRead More

Corgis!!                 Corgis have been dog royalty for centuries (cough cough Queen Elizabeth has at least 3). But recently it seems like they are mainly  known as the dog darlings of the internet.  But they are amazing for many reasons…     They Are Resilient                       They Are Always Ready To Play                       They Know How To Chill          Read More

The difference between your early twenties and your mid-twenties is vast. Once you hit your mid-twenties you’re welcome into a strange world where planning for retirement becomes a thing that you actually have to start thinking about, a world where everyone on MTV is younger than you, a world where you get invited to more weddings than keggers, a world where you can’t eat McDonalds because it’s “too greasy.” It’s basically the Twilight Zone. Another cool, fun thing about being in your mid-twenties is that you enter into a constantRead More

I’m turning 27 soon. I wouldn’t say that qualifies me as old, but just like anyone else, I am definitely getting older. And I’m starting to feel it. There are signs I encounter almost daily. Here are some of the signs I’ve experienced or witnessed that indicate you are getting older and/or maturing:   You look back on the not-so-distant past, like when you were in late high school or college, and wish that you could travel back in time, slap yourself in the face, and scream “STOP BEING SUCH ARead More