America Tag

The other day while I was laying in bed with a bowl of coffee, my favorite KTLA news reporter said something that semi-grabbed my attention.  She said, “blah blah blah professional eater blah blah blah.”  Professional eater?  My eyes had been opened and it wasn’t the coffee this time.  If there was a job title like that out there in the open, what else was there?  As someone who is clearly looking for another job, I had to investigate further.  Listed below are ten of the least talked about jobs in theRead More

Noah Ritter apparently hasn’t been on live television before, but he is a natural! If this little ginger hasn’t made his way into your heart yet… be prepared. Not to sound dramatic — but he is the most adorable 5 year old on earth.   “Aparentllyyyyyyy I went down the super slide and I was nearly scared haf to deaf!” I love this kid. I mean I would feel the same way going down the Super Slide! Then he got interviewed by Good Morning America and the cuteness continued…   HisRead More

We’ve all heard them… around the water cooler… in gym class… during that uncomfortable “what the heck do we even talk about?!” time with your grandparents around the holidays. We’ve all heard some pretty outlandish claims in our lifetimes and yet there are still those perpetuating myths that simply won’t die. Perhaps, we should blame Hollywood movies or simply an uninformed society, but the fact is, these untruths are continuing to spread and I, for one, am sick of it. So here it is…four popular myths (or rather the firstRead More

If any of you have been trying to watch real sports on ESPN recently, you may have seen that the United States Men’s Soccer team was eliminated from this World Wide European and South American soccer tournament known as the World Cup. Despite making it further than much of the world expected, the Yanks could not prevail over the world’s leading waffle maker. This comes to no surprise because historically America has not been the best at soccer , football, futbol, or whatever the heck it is called. America mayRead More

On the 4th of July, most people feel American while drinking a Budweiser. Others prefer an obnoxious red, white, and blue bottle of Svedka…which isn’t even an American company, so get it together! If you want to feel really American, there’s only one beverage that makes sense: good ol’ Kentucky bourbon whiskey. And this July 4th, I was able to try a truly transcendent taste of bourbon – Orphan Barrel’s limited release Rhetoric whiskey.   This 20 year-old bottle of bliss is a bourbon lover’s dream. BUT you better getRead More

I consider myself to be relatively intelligent, but there are some products and trends that I completely do not understand.   1. Liquid Eye-Liner Make up is complicated enough as it is. Now I have to go around and paint perfect lines with symmetric curves on my eyelids? You have got to be kidding me. I tell myself it can’t be done, but then I look around, and it’s definitely being done successfully. I’m now under the assumption that everyone has a live-in make up artist.   2. Juicing ThereRead More

There was once a time I dabbled in online dating (is it called dabbling if it goes on for 10 months?). During this period in my life I went on dates with total strangers from Tinder, O.K.Cupid, Plenty of Fish- pretty much anything that could lead to a free dinner. Anyway, during the summer of 2013, I was casually dating a man named Sam. Sam was older than me, had lived in cool places, prided himself on being a great chef, and was a former military man. Sam invited meRead More

I’ve pieced together a few summer jams. New music with a couple of classics. Listen loudly for Tim this 4th.Read More

The World Cup is here, and Americans just don’t seem to get it. In real futbol cities, work is cancelled, stores are closed, and games are observed like national holidays. Most Americans go about their day per usual, maybe checking in on Bleacher Report or the handy-dandy twitter sidebar that’s been incorporated for the greatest tournament ever. Sports Center is still acknowledging the MLB games that will never end, the NBA draft, and Lebron’s lack of commitment. The only sports news worthy of interrupting World Cup footage thus far wouldRead More

The World Cup is like the Olympics. It happens once every four years, and before you can blink, it’s gone. While fans in other countries get amped for any soccer event on the calendar, the sport is only acknowledged in America during this time. In the past couple of weeks I’ve noticed fans cheering for many different reasons, but I’ll narrow them into the following three groups.   Type 1 – The Pretentious Multiculturalist This fan is the most obnoxious of any sports fan. Sorry Yankees fans, they have youRead More

Yes “soccer,” not “football.” I’m not usually a cranky American, but football = pigskin, just so we’re all clear. It’s funny how so much animosity can be harbored towards a singular sport, but soccer has come a long way. Compared to the US soccer scene ten, even five years ago, tremendous progress has been made in harnessing support and fandom for our men’s and women’s national teams. (I actually have a meager collection of jerseys now.) But compared to something like the NFL, MLB, or NBA, MLS does not standRead More

  I’ve been thinking a lot about feminism lately, particularly in light of the #YesAllWomen campaign. I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re in trouble. All of us. We’ve become complacent.  And that sucks. I suddenly hang out with a lot of women in their early 20s. They are smart, sharp and afraid. They tell me that they can’t walk the streets alone during the day without being harassed. When they go to college they are given classes instructing them on how not to be raped.  That they can’t walkRead More

We have a sensitivity problem in America, and I’m done with it. I don’t care if you are black, white, yellow, or brown. I don’t care if you celebrate Jesus, Allah, God 1, God 2, God 3, or no God at all. If you go the bathroom in the men’s room or the ladies room, or have a hard time figuring out which one you should use – frankly, I don’t give a damn. And don’t chastise me for it. The reason I don’t give a damn is that noRead More

The 2014 World Cup will kick off in Brazil within the next few weeks, and if futbol isn’t really your thing, perhaps I can interest you in eye candy galore. Beware – this may be the most unattractive team the U.S.A. has ever brought to the World Cup, but there is no need to fear, 31 other countries will be bringing the heat as well.   1. Tim Howard I’m in love with Tim Howard. Yes, he plays keeper and is therefore an automatic leader on the team – super cool.Read More

So, lets talk about this Bowe Bergdahl business. Or rather, I’m going to tell you why you should be mad about it. You don’t have to agree; in fact, if you have a dissenting opinion, please share it below. But in my opinion, this is the situation as it stands.   Our President, Barack Obama, released five high-risk Guantanamo Bay Prisoners in exchange for one American Soldier. At first, that doesn’t look so terrible. So our price is 5:1. That doesn’t mean much if it means that one of ourRead More