Like many other sports writers, I have ranked all 32 teams in the NFL at the midpoint of the season. Unlike any of them, I have written a haiku to sum up each team’s season. I think it’s the most effective way.
Let’s get started.
#32 – Oakland Raiders
No playoffs forever
This year is no different
Will they win one game?
#31 – New York Jets
When Michael Vick is
Your team’s best shot at winning
You must really suck
#30 – Jacksonville Jaguars
Congrats Jaguars fans!
You actually won a game!
Who saw that coming?
#29 – Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Remind me again
How in the hell Tampa Bay
Won that game in Pitt?
#28 – Tennessee Titans
When your quarterback
Loves taking selfies, he is
Not the right answer
#27 – Atlanta Falcons
Do you remember
When the Falcons were scary?
Matt Ryan does not.
#26 – Minnesota Vikings
At least the Vikings
Can beat other teams that are
Really terrible.
#25 – St. Louis Rams
They beat the Seahawks
So maybe the Rams have one
happy memory.
#24 – Chicago Bears
Is there any team
That should be trusted less than
The Chicago Bears?
#23 – Washington Redskins
Who knew that the ‘Skins
Best quarterback was a guy
The BROWNS didn’t want.
#22 – Cleveland Browns
Who cares what you’ve done?
When you lose to Jacksonville
You can’t be that good.
#21 – New York Giants
Does anyone know
Whether this football team is
Good or terrible?
#20 – Carolina Panthers
The Panthers also
Could be good or really bad.
Only time will tell.
#19 – Houston Texans
Is there any man
On this planet who could stop
J.J. Freaking Watt?
#18 – Miami Dolphins
Ryan Tannehill
Has not convinced me that he
Is slightly decent.
#17 – New Orleans Saints
The Saints will be fine
Because nobody wants to
Win this division.
#16 – Buffalo Bills
Sammy Watkins might
Give Bills fans some shred of hope
For one time ever.
#15 – Baltimore Ravens
With Ray Rice shipped out
Justin Forsett has become
Shockingly decent.
#14 – Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs are good, but
They must hope for a Wild Card
To make the Playoffs.
#13 – Pittsburgh Steelers
Ben Roethlisberger
Is simply not going to
Replicate that game.
#12 – Cincinnati Bengals
They’ve looked really good
They’ve looked incredibly bad
Who are the Bengals?
#11 – San Francisco 49ers
Do you remember
When San Francisco had a
Defense worth fearing?
#10 – Seattle Seahawks
Is anyone scared
Of the Seahawks at this point?
Too much dysfunction.
#9 – San Diego Chargers
The Chargers have lots
Of injuries that might be
Catching up to them.
#8 – Green Bay Packers
That loss to the Saints
Was rough, but Aaron Rodgers
Will fix everything.
#7 – Indianapolis Colts
So much for the Colts
Defense being really good
But Luck is still Luck.
#6 – Detroit Lions
This is probably
Far too high for a team that
just played like they did.
#5 – New England Patriots
Does beating Cincy
And a godawful Bears team
Count as good these days?
#4 – Philadelphia Eagles
The Eagles have lost
Two games by a total of
Just nine points combined.
#3 – Dallas Cowboys
If Romo is fine
The Cowboys are still likely
To keep impressing.
#2 – Arizona Cardinals
Nobody saw the
Cardinals being this good
But they keep winning.
#1 – Denver Broncos
Peyton Manning. Pey-
-Ton Manning. Peyton Manning.
Peyton Manning. Yeah.
Tags : 2014 NFL, featured, football, Funny, haiku, NFL, poems, Power Rankings, Pro Football, professional sports, Rankings, sports, Sports Takes
Subscribe. Follow. Like.
To RSS Feed
Followers
Fans