Recently, Lil Jon and DJ Snake asked us all an important question: “Turn Down For What?”
The millennials of the world responded resoundingly with: “NOTHING. WE WILL TURN DOWN FOR NOTHING.”
Although I appreciate the enthusiasm, I have to interject. There are a few things I think it’s okay to turn down for. (Not to mention the fact that being “turnt up” all the time will probably kill you prematurely. )
Here they are, kids: my Top Ten Reasons to Turn Down.
Sometimes you need to binge-watch Orange is the New Black/House of Cards/Breaking Bad on Netflix and you need to turn down to process what you’re witnessing and to deal with your emotions.
Guac is delicious and beautiful and deserves our utmost respect as a snackfood. Turn down for guacamole and then turn up for whatever else you want. But leave the guac out of it.
3. Your Cat/Dog
Your good friend Buddy wants quality time and that adorable little fuzzy face does not want the bullshit that comes with your turnt up behavior. Calm down for an hour and cuddle with that fuzzball, or you’re a horrible person.
Naps are beautiful and glorious and sometimes completely necessary. If you don’t want to turn down and partake in naptime, I probably don’t want to be friends with you.
A hot, hot, long, beautiful shower with good water pressure. That experience needs to be fully enjoyed and if you can’t chill out for like 20 minutes to appreciate the fact that you have access to that little piece of heaven, YOU NEED HELP.
6. Pool day/getting a tan
Just relax. Go sit next to the pool and hang out and work on your tan and enjoy the sunshine. Turn up later. But turn down for pool day.
Unless you hate your job and want to get fired. Then hey, whatever, dude.
8. Visiting your grandparents
Your grandparents want to see you and hear about your day and if you can’t sober up once a week for an hour to hang out with your elders you need to reevaluate your life.
9. Ice cream
Do I really have to tell you that ice cream deserves your utmost respect?
Ernest Hemingway said it best: “Write Drunk, Edit Sober.” (Unless you want to look like an idiot).
So turn down sometimes. For what? Whatever you want.