Posted On January 16, 2015 By In Buzzworthy, The Scene

Stop These Famous Fools

 
 

 

Stop These Famous Fools

It’s been awhile since my hands graced the computer keyboard so I can bless the masses with something interesting to read. Reasons for my absence isn’t anyone’s business of course but let’s just say; things got a little weird. Anyway, I’m writing again and as usual I want to talk about something that has been in my gut for a while. I’m one of those people who can’t speak on anything until I get to the point where I’m dreaming about it and realizing that it’s on my mind all day actually giving me a migraine or heartburn or goosebumps depending on what it is… feel me?

Now, there’s some stuff I need to get off my chest, over the last year I noticed that the trend of making stupid people famous and relevant is nowhere near dying out. In fact, it seems that it is become an epidemic, an infection. It’s like we can’t go a week or so without making some random person with absolutely no talent a household name or at the very least letting someone who is already unnecessarily popular make headlines as if to remind the public “hey don’t forget about me, I’m still over here trying to be ridiculous.”

Disclaimer: the views and ideas expressed in this article are my own and do not reflect the image of any site that it appears on. Explicit language may be used and people may be offended so if you are a child or a Mormon you may want to stop reading here. If you continue past this point and feel the need to contact me in disagreement of something that has been said you can send them to shutup@nobodyaskedyou.net or you can call me so I can personally inform you that I certainly never ever will not even once by mistake care about what it is you feel the need to express to me. This is my article and I can write what I please. Cool.

That being said, let’s get into it.

 

Iggy Azalea

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What more can be said about this dame? She is pillaging an entire culture before our very eyes and people still seem to want her around for some reason. She’s not even good looking though… Yeah I get it she has a big booty that she uses to cover up her lack of even a strand of talent but I mean, I got a booty too and nobody is talking about that. Her whole existence is based in a cloud of people hating her music so much that it is translating into relevance. If you think about it, any discussion of Iggy Azalea in 2014 occurred because of people saying she is carrying the flag of cultural appropriation instead of the fact that her music is good. In fact, I’m not sure that “good music” and “Iggy Azalea” appeared in the same sentence for all of 2014. Somebody needs to start the petition to send this culture vulture back to the plains of Australia and drop her in the middle of the desert or someplace where God put all the most poisonous animals in existence to dwell and see if she can shake her ass out of that one. Somebody please get her all the way out of here.

 

Taylor Swift

If you already left to take Iggy Azalea away into exile comeback you forgot one more person. I know I’m going to catch some flak for this one because Taylor Swift stans are vicious but you guys should all refer to the disclaimer in case you forgot by now. Truth be told I at one time listened to Taylor, the ladies love that shit you know? But I can’t even do that anymore because of the hot garbage that she has been labelling music for the last couple years. And I’m not mad at the country girl for her music, there is a long list of musicians out making money who are even worse but it seems as if she saw Iggy making money off of calling herself a slave master and decided well if that white girl can be obviously racist in her music and sell records then let’s move in that direction. Oh Taylor, you think we didn’t notice the insults of your latest video? Somebody needs to come get this ignorant, boring-like-a-mayonaisse-sandwich, shaped-like-a-pop-tart, girl all the way out of here.

 

Soulja Boy

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Oh man, do not get me started on this fool right here. On everything I consider sacred, I despise this clown right here man. This dude set the bar of making music so low that midgets would have to limbo underneath it, metaphorically though if you know what I’m saying. Like I’m saying, if setting the bar was literal, after Soulja Boy started making music all midgets who saw the height of the music bar would just be like “nah I can’t even get under that shit” you know? The man is walking dumpster, and inside that dumpster is garbage that you didn’t take out of the sun for like six days and wrapped up in a diaper of shit there was the DNA that contained all of the traits you need to make the worst music possible and that manifested and became Soulja Boy. This man has tattoos that weigh more than him but continues to trash talk over social media. I don’t condone violence, but like, if I was put to death sentence and they asked me what my final request was and I was hungry and hadn’t eaten in four days I would still choose to fight this man one on one in the ring over a steak. If I see this dude in the streets I’m smacking the ink off of his body.

 

Charles Barkley

I hate that it has to come to this Charles but it’s about time you quit it man. You used to be a legend. But you’ve resorted to cracking corny jokes on ESPN and becoming an Uncle Tom. As a black man, in your position where it’s a million black people looking at you and what you have to say, you’re really going to defend the police after the recent spur of brutality? I’m not saying that because you’re black you have to hate the cops, but I mean you have to realize that tensions are nearing record highs among the black community based on recent surges in police brutality in the media and all people have to stand together to combat it and people must be looking at you as a dude who could help the situation but instead you choose to say some soft ass bullshit so as to not step on anyone’s toes? Stop the madness Barkley, pack your things it’s time for you to get out.

 

Azealia Banks

Okay I’m not gunna pretend I really know who this is or what she does or why. But she has a verified check on her twitter account and I guess in 2015 that makes you famous right? Also she is always in battle with the clown otherwise known as Iggy Azalea. They should just start a show called clown wars where the contestants go away to an island and fight each other for survival but the only two people on the show are Azealia Banks and Iggy Azalea. No disrespect but honestly I’m more curious about how much they would charge me to spend an hour riding a unicycle and making balloons at my daughters next birthday party rather than what their contribution to society is, you know? Anyway, this clown got to twitter and decided she should tweet about how she knows that is a “FACT” that black people have super powers and can cause problems for white people via wizardry, used the term faggot, and has been issuing some violent threats… First of all what part of the world did she grow up in where she experienced black people having actual super powers. I mean, I got a cousin in jail who used to make money disappear but that’s really the extent of it. The faggot thing, (by the way, don’t be offended by me using the word faggot in this article, I am not going to censor it or say the “f word” because that’s just an insult I believe that adds stigma to words, at the end of the day it’s just a word that exists) I believe the person she said it toward is an openly gay man and it works both ways, you can’t be sensitive to insults but also use them yourself. Racism is a two way street too, Black Supremacy is just as not okay as White Supremacy. Someone send this preacher back to the cave she came from please.

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Riff Raff

Can somebody please talk to this walking-colouring-book-ass clown? I’m saying someone needs to have a chat with this bathroom-stall-wall- looking dude and ask him where it all went wrong. How can you be grown man with pink braids and ask to be taken seriously though? Not gunna lie, he is crazy catchy but there is no reason for a person to have random logos tattooed on his body like a human graffiti wall and at the same time offer to take kids to prom whilst being 32 and then as well also wrestling Hulk Hogan. This is what happens when an elderly man with Parkinson’s disease drops his colouring book into a vat of acid and then the most trailer park trash wannabe gangster happens to fall in that same vat, and then there is an earthquake and a volcano that turns it into some crazy mixture and then Hulk Hogan rescues the man in the vat and Riff Raff was created.

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Snoop Dogg’s Instagram

I’m only touching on this because Snoop is one of my favourite OG rappers ever. And I’m going to be brief. Snoop, please get off of Instagram. You are a grown ass man with kids, there is no need for you to be acting a damn fool all over social media. Some of this is just unnecessary, like do you not have anything to do? Your kids need to be fed man!

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Vanilla Ice

I’m just going to leave this here.

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Chris Brown

I hate it had to come to this but Chris Brown just took it too far. I used to be a fan of this dude, all the girls wanted this man I was heavily jealous at one point in my life when the ladies weren’t really interested in me you know? It’s not a problem for the kid anymore though so I’ve put all the jealousy aside and me and Chris are cool now but the man won’t stop being a complete idiot. He put his hands on a lady and we forgave him. But you would think that after some stunt like that, you would get therapy you know? Like cool down or something. Like, go to India if all else fails and meet a monk and let him teach you the ways of chillin’ out so that you don’t make a fool of yourself a second time. But Chris said nah I’m pretty I can do whatever I want. So he continues to act out ignorantly, continues to bash women openly, continues to lead the petty gang revolution by calling out as many “thots” as he can you know? You growing up Chris, all that has to come to an end at some point. Stop making people remember you for your antics more than your music. Stop jumping through glass windows and shit, word to the Kool-Aid Man.

 

Nicki Minaj

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I’ll come right out and say I have been known to keep a handful of Nicki songs on the iPod in rotation. She has her moments you know? And you have to take it for what it is. But this chick is walking gimmick man. Like her whole persona was bought at a swap shop. She is singlehandedly degrading the women of the music industry and in general, she can’t make a video with any type of integrity, instead we get the soft core porn. No joke, she gets 60 million views, I bet at least 50 million views are from guys watching it on mute. All I’m saying is if Nicki Minaj is your girlfriend’s favourite musician you might want to check her phone because she might be running on you. You might also want to discredit any of her opinions because if you put a bunch of Nicki Minaj fans in a room together you might could be able to count a couple extra chromosomes between them. I’m trying to organize a fight with the person who first told her she had some talent, word to Mike Tyson.

I’m going to cap off the list right here although we both know it go on for another 50 or so names. Hopefully this gets some exposure because I want people to start to realize the kinds of character that they are keeping relevant. A celebrity is nothing without fans. Stop letting gimmicks and antics run the show and let the authenticity breathe. Stop giving people a break because of something they once were, they’re not infallible. It’s our job to end all the bullshit that we hate so much to see. Iggy is going to probably win some Grammars because you didn’t vote for your musician and her fans voted for her. I want to end by just saying one more time that I hate Soulja Boy.

Enjoy your evenings.

Keegan Boisson Yates

 

 

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Keegan was born and raised in Trinidad until age 14 when he moved to the US. He is a competitive swimmer and wannabe rapper. He has a passion for fine Whiskey. The Cat in the Hat is his all time favorite movie and he can pretty much recite it. One time he met Randy Jackson and asked him to sign his pet rock.

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