Oh boy. I could make this list about 3,000 people long, but I doubt you’d want to read it any more than I want to write it. So instead, we’ll focus on the absolute worst of the worst; here are the 5 celebrities that I utterly, completely hate. (And yes, Plain White Tees, I am aware that hate is a strong word…but I mean it).
#5 – Blake Shelton
I don’t know why, really. Maybe it’s his utter lack of talent, or maybe it’s because he hosts the freaking Voice. Mostly I just hate his stupid face…you know, one of those faces that belies an IQ of about fourteen.
#4 – Rihanna
It’s not that Rihanna has NO talent, it’s just that she doesn’t have much talent…and too many people act like she’s the best thing since sliced bread. Plus, if Bad Girl RiRi was such a bad bitch, she could probably take Chris Brown’s scrawny ass in a tête-à-tête. Just sayin’.
#3 – Miley Cyrus
True story: I used to think Miley was pretty hot…about 10 haircuts and 14,000 hits of acid ago. Now, Miley is the equivalent of a dead deer in the middle of the highway – attracting every passerby’s attention, but useless, ugly, and smelling like death and rotting meat. Plus, Miley probably been “hit” more times than said dead deer as well.
#2 – Justin Bieber
Justin Bieber was annoying enough when he was a pseudo-homosexual adolescent crooner. But now? THE MONSTER HAS GROWN. The innocent little waif we knew circa 2008 has grown to be a tatted-up, substance abusing douchebag, the likes of which have rarely been witnessed. I’ll take anyone’s money right now if you’d like to bet that J-Biebs is in rehab, jail, or the cold, hard ground before he hits 30…any takers? Count me as #NotABelieber.
#1 – North West
Ok, ok, hear me out. I’m aware this demon spawn isn’t even a year old yet. Hell, little North can’t even form a word, much less an irritating, narcissistic sentence. But so help me God, North West is the Antichrist. I’m sure of it. I was contemplating mashing Kim Kardashian and Kanye West together for a tie for #1 on this list, but then it came to me…they’ve already mashed together and produced a creature that surely embodies the worst of both of them: NORTH. FUCKING. WEST. With a talentless, narcissistic mother who’s famous for giving dome on camera, and a father who is the textbook definition of a delusional megalomaniac, North will undoubtedly be the worst human being to ever roam the planet. May God save our children from her inevitable shitty reality shows, sex tapes, and indolent forays into film and music. Someone ship this little monster to the furthest corner of the world, quick.