…Or, well at the least the first 14 years of it…or is it technically 15? No matter. I have painstakingly rummaged through the Oscar Wikipedia page to arbitrarily rank the Top Ten Movies of the 21st Century however the fudge I want! So if you disagree. Die in a fire. I hate you. 🙂
Now without further delay. Drum-roll please…
I went to this puppy the day it came out. Premiere tickets were sure to get me some action, I thought. But alas, the only action I received was from the enthralling story Benny Afleck put together. The least I could have gotten was a back row handy?
9) 12 Years a Slave
This was some heavy poo to take in. I didn’t take a date to this one. Someone may or may not have left their “Union Award Season Promo Blu-ray” laying around my house. Once again, no booty equals me stealing your free shit. Which then becomes my free shit? Yea, so I owe Steve McQueen like $12.
8) Lost in Translation
Nope that’s it. That’s all I got. Her alone warrants a Top 10 finish. I guess the movie itself was pretty good but I didn’t notice because SCARLETT JOHANSSON!
Sex, Drugs, and Don Frickin’ Cheadle. Suck it coppers!
6) Silver Linings Playbook
This really was a brilliant film. And when Jennifer Lawrence does that butt move on the dance floor. It moves. It definitely moves.
I’m pretty sure I’ve had a dream within a dream. It’s called Ecstasy. And to be clear, I wasn’t sober when I watched this one, so hell, it might even be terrible?! All I knew was my couch felt reallllllllllllly soft!
4) Dallas Buyer’s Club
How to make fun of gay people with AIDS? Hmmmmmm. Uhhhhh. Well, ya see…
3) A Beautiful Mind
This movie got me just like The Sixth Sense got me. I had no idea. I was glued to the screen as my date next to me tried to get my attention with her ever-more-revealing cleavage. Anytime you can distract me from the tig bitties, you’ve hit box office gold! Bravo Hollywood, Bravo!
2) The Social Network
Rooney Mara. So hot. So very very hot. Who didn’t want to see more of her? It was a travesty that they teased us in the beginning only to rip her away for most of the movie. But I guess the story was about the most transformative company in all of ever. Oh yea, and then there’s Aaron “I can write better than you” Sorkin.
1) Freddy Got Fingered
Some have called this the greatest piece of art of any medium in all of human history. That may be putting it lightly. Like The Bible, Freddy Got Fingered has been translated into every language on the planet. In fact, little boys in Indonesia are taught to always “Put their bum on the cheese or else they’ll get a disease.”
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