I am participating in a project which I do odd jobs to pay off my student loans and blog about them at Missoddjobs.com. This is how I met Larry, an architect in San Francisco with a foot fetish, and more specifically, a tickling foot fetish. I let him tickle my feet for one hour for $100. That is approximately $1.67 per minute, for laughing on camera. I can assure you there was nothing sexual about this odd job that involved my homely and humungous feet. Larry did not have an erection at any point and framed photographs of his children peered at us throughout the tickling session. Who knows what he did with the tape after I left, but here are ten things I learned when you let someone tickle your feet for money:
1. You will probably need to consume a glass of champagne and a shot of Fireball before this endeavor, after you have washed your feet in the bathroom at your place of employment.
2. The man with the foot fetish will offer you alcohol when you arrive , but you should deny it because the amount of Rohypnol needed to debilitate a person could be found in what you think is just clean water from the dishwasher. It’s a Wednesday evening at 6:31pm and getting cut up into small pieces is not on your weekly agenda.
3. The architect with a foot fetish will have all of the following: an extremely lovely apartment, a pot belly, a flat top, completed cross word puzzles in his bathroom, a variety of high heels lined up on his couch, and very expensive-looking art lounging on his walls.
4. When you walk past the doorman into the apartment building with Larry, the foot fetish, pot-bellied dad, you will have never felt more like a prostitute in your entire life.
5. You will want to wear a mask to cover your face so that if this tickling take leaks on the internet your grandma will not confuse this for something she should proud of and post it on Facebook.
6. Contrary to popular belief, you can tickle feet with more than just phalanges. You will discover this when Larry reveals an electric child’s tooth brush with Spiderman on it to tickle your toe crevices.
7. You can really make yourself laugh about anything…especially if it’s just for an hour, if you need to, and if you are profiting from it.
8. When you take a bathroom break you need not worry about the pill bottle on a shelf in the bathroom for fear that the architect is actually a schizophrenic serial killer on medication. Upon further inspection you discover that it is actually just Amoxicillin.
9. When your hour is up, Larry may ask you if you want to tickle his feet. You should say no. He will ask you if you want cheese and crackers. You should say no to this as well, and that you have a book club to attend.
10. In a strictly professional matter, the architect with a foot fetish will write you a check for $100, citing “Design Consultation” in the memo section of the check and then shake your hand before you leave.