The world is full of sexy women. This is undeniable. But when looking to find a girl to seriously date, you must look past her looks and into her personality traits. While there may be plenty of fish in the sea, here are some specimens you never want dangling at the end of the line. Or to never dangle your line into.
#10 – The Selfie Superstar
You all know the types. They lurk in the corners of parties and bars, with an iPhone in one hand, and more often than not, a vodka-Redbull in the other. The Selfie Superstar isn’t at the party to interact socially, at least not in the traditional sense. No, she is there to interact Socialmedially. I promise, that’s a word. She is usually too busy snapping photos of herself doing the duckface and slurping at her mixed drink to pay attention to, you know, the actual party. Because, for the Selfie Superstar, getting noticed by real, live humans doesn’t matter as long as thugboi102 (references to actual usernames are coincidental) comments that she “be lookin dam fly” on her Instagram. When in non-social settings, the Selfie Superstar is generally bikini-clad and oiled up for the camera(phone). This isn’t a positive thing, either.
Now, you might be thinking that this is merely annoying and not a deal-breaker. Well, tread lightly, my friends. While you might be enough of a sap to think her Insta album of 1,200 selfies is just a collection of her pretty little face in different settings, you’re missing the bigger picture. Girls that need to constantly post photos of themselves so strangers can tell them how smokin’ they are probably have a narcissistic personality disorder, or even worse, they could be (gulp) an attention whore. In any case they probably have some daddy issues. And we all know, those can be fun for one-night-stands, but nobody wants to wife those types. Steer clear. And Ladies: for the love of god, when it comes to selfies: less is more.
#9 – The DreadHead
I started a bit of a shitstorm on my Facebook a little while back when I stated my belief that I would rather date someone noticeably overweight than someone with dreadlocks. I stand by that statement. While the DreadHead may be intellectual, caring, and quite possibly an Eco-Terrorist, any pros of dating such a girl are easily lost in all of the cons. I mean yeah, the DreadHead will probably care for your dogs, provide you with an endless supply of weed, and cook up some mean gluten-free, sodium-free, fat-free, calorie-free, organic veggies, but none of these justify dating the DreadHead.
So why should you never be chasing the tail of a DreadHead? Well, for starters, get ready for every fucking thing you own to smell like weed, patchouli, and body odor. Pick your poison, but I’m not a big fan of my bedding smelling like any of those. Not to mention, that dreads themselves smell like Bob Marley. Present day Bob Marley, that is. So yeah, chicks with dreads can be hot, but they don’t exactly smell like flowers and sunshine. Avoid the delousing, and date girls who bathe. You’ll thank me when the DreadHead you had your eyes on is in county for drug charges.
#8 – The Girl with the Boyfriend
God, this one seems so obvious I shouldn’t have to discuss it, but yet, so many dudes keep making this mistake. I agree, if there is a goalie, that doesn’t mean you can’t score, bros. But why you’re scoring is because that net is filled with a lot of pucks, if you catch my drift. I mean, if you wanna have a wild and crazy night with some chick that has boyfriend, if that doesn’t affect your morals, go for it, sparky. But the mistake too many men make is actually becoming attached to girls like this. If she cheats on her boyfriend, and eventually becomes your girlfriend, what makes you think she isn’t allowing the next hotshot right winger she meets to have a free shot on net when the goalie is pulled? Cheating requires certain personality traits you don’t want your girlfriend to have. If you can snag her while she has a boyfriend, she’s just gonna be bait for some other man to do the same to you. And the last thing you want is to end up on Investigation Discovery when she breaks your heart with her unfaithful ways.
#7 – The Unwed Mother
If you’re reading this, I’m going to assume you’re somewhere near my age. If that assumption is correct, then there is no reason in hell you should be dating a girl that has already birthed another man’s children. If you’re like me, you’re enjoying being #youngwildnfree and not looking to have a family instantly. Well, if that’s the case, then stay away(!) from the Unwed Mother. Not only will your life instantly be more complicated, what with all the responsibilities and daily schedules revolving around your new, genetically unrelated booger-eaters, but the Unwed Mother is likely not the girl you’re looking to have by your side, either.
The Unwed Mother is usually a few things. The first of those is uneducated, as many of these types of women have had to forgo their educational and career goals to look after the kids. Second, she is probably emotionally fragile, and lacks trust in men. Not that she is to be blamed, but the Unwed Mother is going to be far more intrusive and controlling to make sure that you don’t up and leave like her baby daddy did. Lastly, she is probably looking for a serious commitment from the beginning, which is a major problem if you don’t want to settle down and adopt her children. It’s best to not get involved.
#6 – The Crazy Crossfitter
Just cause this is a relatively new type of woman doesn’t make it any less worthy of a giant red flag. These chicks are usually Selfie Superstars crossed with the worst kind of gym-rat frat-bros known to man. The Crazy Crossfitter’s entire life revolves around working out, and making sure EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHERS know how much they are working out. I mean, being healthy is one thing, being an attention whore is a different matter entirely. Why does every single person you know need to know how many fucking box jumps and power cleans you did today?
On the other hand, Crossfit chicks usually have amazing bodies, so I can see the allure. But Christ, do you really want to date a girl who can clean and jerk better than clean the house and jerk you off? I, for one, do not. If she hashtags #wod, you should not hashtag #wcw. Instead, run for your life, and find a girl that won’t kick your ass after she gets all tweaked at the gym.
#5 – The Delusional Dime
Not all women can be 10/10. This is just a fact of life. In order for there to be someone for everyone, there have to be all sorts of different levels of attractiveness spread amongst the population. And that’s fine. Chances are excellent that, whether you are male or female, the opposite sex does not consider you to be a 10/10. Most people realize this. However, the Delusional Dime does not. We all know a Delusional Dime or two; they are decently good-looking girls, usually what male consensus would rank around a 7/10. The problem is, the Delusional Dime thinks she is a solid 10 and God’s gift to mankind. Don’t get me wrong: ladies with confidence produce a huge turn-on. But the Delusional Dime doesn’t use her confidence wisely, instead, she is an insufferable bitch to both sexes, because she believes she is Aprhodite Incarnate. Sorry, ladies, but unless you look like this, there is probably someone out there your man is gonna fantasize about. Delusional Dimes can’t accept this, and as a result, are the types to create huge arguments over female friends or a glance at some hottie at the beach. Recognize Delusional Dime symptoms early on, and get away while you can.
#4 – The Dime in Denial
Here we have the polar opposite of the Delusional Dime – the Dime in Denial. These girls are the most dangerous ones on this list because most of the time, they are two helpings of smokin’ hot, with a few sides of crazy. The Dime in Denial usually is incredibly attractive to everyone…except herself. Be it bad parenting, middle school bullying, or a full-blown psychiatric condition, the Dime in Denial can’t see that she’s gorgeous, and relies on others to constantly tell her otherwise.
While you might be swayed by the Dime in Denial’s fantastic looks, as well as her endearing sense of vulnerability, these positive traits hide the negative. Girls with these sort of self-esteem issues can be the most emotional, controlling, and batshit crazy of all women. Don’t set yourself up for a lifetime of that.
#3 – The Wild Thing
Ah, party girls. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. But you definitely don’t want to wind up in a serious relationship with one. While you might think you’re man enough to tame the Wild Thing’s tequila-swigging, twerk-dancing, chain-smoking ways, you’re probably not. There are some girls who are so friggin crazy it’s not even worth the time trying to figure out if you could date her. The Wild Thing is not dateable, unless you are a tenth-year college senior, a professional DJ, or a meth-head. Don’t even try.
Not even elaborating any further. If she twerks, you run. Period.
#2 – The Raver
What’s even worse girlfriend material than the Wild Thing? Meet the Raver. These girls have all of the super fun traits of crazy party girls, with the added bonus of having their brains resemble and function as effectively as Swiss cheese due to MDMA abuse. Sexy. This ain’t your dumb college girl trying Molly at a concert, no, the Raver is a dedicated EDM junkie who spends the year traveling from festival to festival, getting blasted on E and dressing like a complete hooker. Hey, maybe you’re into the EDM scene too and think the Raver is the perfect chick for you to bring to all the clubs and shows you want to attend. But do you have a family? Cause if you ever get serious at all with the Raver, nipple rings and glitter eyeliner ain’t usually the best way to impress your mother at Thanksgiving. Heed the warning.
#1 – The Stripper
Annnnnd finally, we have #1. This should be the most obvious on the list, yet still, dudes can’t stay away from strippers. They’re really fun to look at in their natural setting, but they should never be the objects of your sincere affection. Unless you have the patience and calm of Gandhi, there is no way dating a stripper will end well for you. While it might be fun to brag to your buddies that you’re banging a girl with a nice enough body to be the centerpiece at the Spearmint Rhino, you’re going to be spending your money and attention on a chick said buddies can go see ALL of for the right price. No bueno. Needless to say, this advice goes double for porn stars and triple for prostitutes. But chances are you probably don’t know too many of those. Hopefully.