Pick-Up Artist: The ironically named man who seems to believe that the only way to get laid is to use a variety of underhand tactics and tricks. Synonyms: Clown, Slimeball, Womanizer, Fail.
Working in retail, I meet a variety of beautiful strangers every day. Today, I met two pick-up artists in training. Let me explain. This afternoon, a couple dudes in their late twenties asked me if I could help them find a book called, no joke, The Game: Penetrating The Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists. HA. Let me give you a brief excerpt from this book’s description: “Hidden somewhere, in nearly every major city in the world, is an underground seduction lair. And in these lairs, men trade the most devastatingly effective techniques ever invented to charm women. This is not fiction. These men really exist. The Game is the story of one man’s transformation from frog to prince — to prisoner in the most unforgettable book of the year.” Oh, gross! Gentlemen. No, no, no. Don’t listen to the sad man with the phone number collection. Playing games will get you nowhere. Just be yourself.
In honor of the pick-up artist, I’ve compiled a list of the 10 most cringe-worthy pick-up lines of all time.
1. Are those space pants? Because your legs are out of this world!
2. Do you have a band-aid? I scraped my knee falling for you.
3. You must have a p-value of at least 0.05, because I fail to reject you.
4. Are you an orphanage? Because I want to give you kids.
5. I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.
6. Are you OK? It’s a long fall from heaven.
7. Do I know you? Because you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
8. If you were a flower, you’d be a DAMNdelion.
9. I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin me.
10. Get in the van.
What is the most embarrassing pick-up line you have ever heard?