Breakups are a part of life, but being single is what you make it. For some people, the single life is stress-free and exciting. For others, it’s frustrating and miserable. Here are 6 things single people do that hold them back from embracing singlehood:
1. Worry about where their friends are in life
All of us progress through life at different rates, and it isn’t fair to use your friends’ milestones as benchmarks for your own achievements. If your friends are married, engaged, or enjoying long-term relationships, good for them. Those friends may also be enjoying desk jobs while you’re traveling the world or finding your niche in a less structured career field. Each of us is different. If you spend time worrying about whether or not your romantic life or career path mirrors that of your friends, you will only make yourself miserable.
2. Fear loneliness
Too many people find themselves on a non-stop quest for companionship simply because they fear being alone. Unfortunately, serial dating tends not to get people very far. Bouncing from partner to partner, with no time for recovery or commitment breeds disappointment and bitterness. It’s also very difficult for your friends to keep up with.
There’s no reason to fear loneliness. In fact, feeling lonely is an essential part of growing up. Each of us needs to learn how to tolerate loneliness in order to control our own happiness and prevent tying our self-worth to others.
3. Stalk an ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend
Never ever compare yourself to your ex’s new girlfriend or boyfriend. Women are the biggest culprits of this type of behavior, stalking the new girl’s social networking pages and trashing the integrity and appearance of a woman they don’t even know. It’s self-destructive and, although it’s done with the intent of boosting your own self-esteem, it usually leads to feelings of insecurity.
4. Fail to create space for growth
You can’t give to others what you don’t take the time to give yourself. Everyone needs space, and all-too-often people are made to feel selfish for asking for it. If you aren’t ready to commit yourself to another person, don’t. It’s okay to turn down dates. Take time to chase a dream, rest, and reflect on your own wants and needs. Growth requires patience and self-awareness. If you aren’t sure what you want in life, it won’t serve you to wander aimlessly. Some people need time to build themselves up before they can build something alongside someone else.
5. Worry about how the opposite sex will perceive them
You’ll never find the person for you if you constantly change yourself to suit other people’s desires. Be blunt about your likes and dislikes and don’t let potential mates dictate your actions. I am a 23 year old female who listens to Rob Zombie, watches football, can’t stand baseball, prefers beer over wine, occasionally burps in public, appreciates bathroom humor, hates marijuana, piercings, and country music, and could never date a man who dislikes cats. I will not hide aspects of my personality or pretend to be interested in things I don’t enjoy in order to impress a man. Stay true to yourself, or you’ll never be happy.
6. Rely on quotes
Quotes can be wonderful motivators, but they shouldn’t dictate your feelings and attitudes toward relationships. It’s fine to retweet a quote that relates painfully well to your own experiences every now and then, but don’t be one of the many women and men who gets caught up scrolling through Rob Hill Sr.’s Instagram or The Illuminati’s Twitter. Quotes have a way of contradicting one another and confusing people. Sometimes it’s best to stop searching for meaning in other people’s words and create your own mantras.
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