Today is my 24th birthday. What better way is there to celebrate than to make a listicle of all the important things I’ve learned in my 24 years on this planet?
Without further ado, here are some of the key lessons I’ve learned thus far in life:
1. Not everyone finds offensive jokes funny. Some people find them offensive.
2. Never buy drinks at sporting events or concerts. Pocket shots and flasks are your wallet’s best friends.
3. Your parents actually have good advice, at least most of the time. Listen to them, and take their advice.
4. Be polite to people. You never know when you’ll need a stranger to help you out.
5. Money can’t buy happiness…but it sure as hell can pay for things that do bring you happiness.
6. Don’t fight bouncers. Whether you get your ass kicked, get pepper sprayed, or get arrested, it ain’t gonna end well.
7. Never turn down free beer…unless it’s offered to you by a stranger who proceeds to ask you if you’ve ever experimented with men.
8. Don’t wear flip flops with formal clothes.
9. Don’t wear flip flops when there’s a 60% chance of snow.
10. Never miss a chance to tell your loved ones that you love them. You never know how many more chances you’ll have.
11. Stay away from fake people.
12. Redheads really are crazy.
13. Hope for the best, but expect the worst.
14. Keep people’s secrets. They’ll trust you more.
15. Value loyalty above all other traits.
16. Never sacrifice your principles to fit in or impress someone.
17. Success doesn’t fall into your lap. You have to work for it. So get started.
18. Give someone a second chance, but NEVER a third.
19. If a girl loves Justin Bieber, don’t even give her a FIRST chance.
20. Get off your fucking smartphone. Life’s too short to not be in the moment.
21. If a girl takes too many selfies, she’s probably an attention whore.
22. Make an effort to stay in touch with friends from all phases of your life. You’ll be glad you did when you’re older.
23. Never sacrifice bro-time.
24. Always stay grounded. Always better yourself. Always move forward.