Posted On August 3, 2014 By In Lifestyle, Miscellaneous

20 Things My Roommate Was Probably Doing When He Spent 40 Minutes in the Bathroom This Morning

 
 

So I live with two random dudes. I don’t know them (it’s a long story) and before you ask, no I’m not sleeping with either of them. Usually it’s totally cool and living with guys is better in some ways than living with girls (a topic I will cover soon, coming to an article near you). Except. Except this morning when one of my roommates (I don’t know which one) took a full 40 minutes in the bathroom. 40! It made me a half hour late to work all because I was waiting for his ass to get out of the bathroom so I could jump in the shower. I literally woke up 10 minutes later than usual but it was too late because he had already taken the bathroom hostage for the better part of an hour, putting me back 30 minutes.

To give you a time frame, I am a female and I take showers in 10-12 minutes. I know because I always look at the clock. Yes, I use soap. And shampoo. And conditioner, mom. And I shave my legs every other day. Which got me thinking: what could this guy, who does not have hair down to his shoulders and is not blow-drying his hair or putting on makeup, possibly be doing in 40 minutes? Wonder not, dear readers. I’ve come up with a list.

 

1. Jacking it  (This is honestly the only realistic explanation I could come up with)

2. Devising a cure for cancer

3. Pondering the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and coming up with a peaceful solution

4. Lathering, rinsing, and repeating …17 consecutive times

5. Browsing Reddit on his phone somehow, while the water was running

6. Maybe he has one of those Samsung waterproof phones

7. Shaving his entire body

8. Taking his sweet ass time to spite me

9. Writing Twilight fan fiction

10. Stalking himself on Facebook back to 2008

11. Getting a perm

12. Cooking meth

13. Writing the code for the next Flappy Bird

14. Sucking his own dick

15.  Meeting a giant fish

16. Fucking his brains out

17. Turning into a jet

18. BOMBING THE RUSSIANSSSSSS

19. Crashing into the sun

20. Now he’s dead

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Sara F Carter is a writer for Writtalin. Sara graduated from Emory University with a BA in Creative Writing and a BS in Theme Parties. She loves Batman, whiskey, crime dramas, and series of unrelated nouns. She wants to grow up to be a rapper's wife. Her last name is not actually Carter, but one day it will be.

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