Chronicles of a Professional Bridesmaid

I think it’s safe to say that I am going to be a professional bridesmaid. “Will you be my bridesmaid?”  My answer is always yes- “yes; I would be honored to prep you for your new forever.” Since my first two wedding duties are across the country, and within a month from one another, I followed my answer with a request for the brides, “Please make this forever, if not for me, then for my bank account.” Luckily, they said that was the plan and I believed them.

Being a bridesmaid isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but I do believe in looking at it as an honor that your girlfriend is asking you to be part of her special day. Yes, it gets expensive, especially when you have to fly across the country for them. Yes, the dresses can be a pain, especially when you are like me and in between sizes. Talk about getting a little body conscious; “I woke up like this,” conjures much different feelings when the seamstress is trying to fit you into your bridesmaid dress. And of course, the bachelorette parties- oh those fabulous shindigs. Bottomless mimosas, shots, and vodka sodas made appearances, and I wasn’t mad while I drank them, but my body wasn’t happy with me the next day.   Whatever, sometimes you need to shock the body to show it what’s up, especially when your main girl is getting married.

As far as the actual wedding day goes, no one cares what you really look like during the ceremony, especially if you filter the picture properly on Instagram. The bride is the star of the show and that’s the way it should be. I’d be lying if I said I’m not excited to get my hair and make-up done for these occasions, but I also recognized that if my bride wanted me to wear a burlaps sack, I would have to do it. Thank God, my friends have style and actually want their bridesmaids to look worthy of standing by them when they say, “I do.”

If you’re like me, then going stag to a ceremony is pretty much your forte. So what if I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid more often than getting asked to be a plus one. It’s really not the end of the world. What I have been pretty good at is catching the bouquet, and that in itself is quite a thrill. Oddly enough, I have yet to find a significant other that I can bring to these parties (my time will come, I hope).  For all you single bridesmaids out there, I recommend taking this as your chance to give yourself hope that you too will be throwing your bouquet in due time, and if nothing else, at least the dude that caught the garter is obligated to touch part of your body in order to slip that scandalous piece of fabric on your thigh.

Above all else, this is all about the bride. This isn’t rocket science, but some tend to forget this detail of the wedding. No one will be talking about how that bridesmaid went stag, or that her dress doesn’t quite fit. Yes, I want to look good in the pictures, knowing that there is a possibility that a) someone in my social network will think I l clean up nicely or b) a charming fellow will fetch me a drink from the open bar, or c) I just won’t remember anything that happened.

But in all seriousness I want my brides to know that I’ll be there to hold their dress while they pee, especially since I missed all the bridal showers. To all the other bridesmaids out there who may be dreading it, weddings are supposed to be fun, and the fact that your friend wants you to be part of her day is a privilege and a testament to your friendship. In my case, I’m lucky enough to know that my brides will be there to hold my dress when I have to pee on my special day before I walk down the aisle.  Until then, throw that bouquet in my direction so I can give myself some hope, a laugh, and snap a not-so-sexy risque photo with the garter for Instagram.  But most of all, thank you for letting me be part of your forever.

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