Every holiday season brings something new, and this year brought for me some observations. This being my first holiday season an appetizer contributing adult, I noticed things I had never considered in my many years as nothing more than a young gift receiver.
1. Each day closer to Christmas and New Years everyone’s driving gets worse.
Everyone is desperate to finish shopping and beginning to lose their minds from all of the contact with distant relatives.
2. After December 20th, don’t even try surviving the mall.
If December 20th rolls around and you still have shopping to do, invest in an amazon prime membership and do some clicker finger warm ups. Not having to fend off the desperate dad from the rainbow loom should weigh out the price of prime.
3. The homemade gifts almost never make it.
If you plan on making gifts they need to be started by October or just forget it. Getting an hour of sleep each night leading up to the holiday will only strain the already high tension relations with family members.
4. Do not try to cook something new.
If you haven’t tried it at least once before, don’t try now. Disaster can strike at any moment, and at least with a familiar dish, you know how to handle it. New foods can have you pulling out the fire extinguisher faster than you can say jingle bells.
5. No amount of alcohol can save you.
But too much can incriminate you. You need to stop just passed buzzed and right before tipsy, keeping it consistent all evening. Getting drunk too quickly in the night is likely to cause unnecessary emotion, possibly fights, and burnt dinner rolls.
6. If you aren’t sick now, just wait.
With all of the additional contact with people and lack of sleep, germ spreading is at a high and immunity at a low. Upping your intake of Vitamin C might help but probably not. Stock up on chicken soup and tissues, and cross your fingers.
7. Absolutely nothing about fruit cake.
After 22 Christmases I still don’t have a clue what fruit cake is. With all the songs making fun of it you would think this would be common knowledge, but it very well is not. What I do know is that it is usually hard as a rock and no one wants to eat it, but thats about it. Is it even real fruit?
8. Put the fork down.
You started feeling full about half a plate ago and are considering loosening your belt another notch. No matter how good Aunt Betty’s cherry pie is, you must resist that second slice. Your waistline will thank you, your toilet will thank you, and most of all your fellow party goers will thank you. It’s no fun when everyone is far too full and sleepy to participate in post dinner shenanigans, and they all probably wanted some pie too.
9. It’s never enough.
No matter how closely you follow that list, even if you checked it twice and didn’t miss an item, there is going to be someone unhappy with his or her gift. It should no longer be called the season for giving, but the season for price tags and bratty people. Yes people, not just children. Most of the time the adults are worse than the kiddos.
10. Everyone wants it to be over.
No matter how much everyone wants to celebrate, and get together, it is a hassle and a mess. So be nice to everyone throwing parties and family shindigs, it honestly isn’t easy.
The holidays are wonderful, and I am grateful that they are over.