Posted On July 24, 2015 By In Advice For Women, Fashion For Women

What Your (Leg) Shaving Style Says About You

 
 

It’s a little known fact that when I was graduating high school, I was also getting my PhD in life. So here it is, for your viewing pleasure– what your (leg) shaving style says about you!

 

Standing, one leg propped on the shelf

First of all, what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you want to slip on the wet tile and fall and HACK YOUR LEG TO SHREDS? What if you slice open a vein while you’re trying to get that Gilette-promised close shave? You probably also eat your hot dogs with onions and insist it’s normal, too, don’t you? You’re the type of person who needs everything to be exact, and that’s what you’re trying to achieve while you stress both your back and leg, trying to hold yourself up and get every hair. Lord have mercy on you. And your back. And your leg. Let’s all collectively hope you don’t fall. But survival of the fittest, am I right?

 

Sitting

Ahh, my fellow sitters. What can beat the ease of simply sitting and then carefully running the razor on your legs? Much, much better than standing, and you have zero risk of slicing your leg open in one fell swoop. Shaving cream is also so much easier to apply, and you don’t even have to spend time doing a one-woman balancing act of cream, razor and leg. If you seat yourself properly– back to the showerhead, letting the water cascade on your hair– you can even save time rinsing either shampoo or conditioner while you shave. You’re the laid back person, and nothing ever really fazes you. You do what you do, and that’s that. So when people tell you that sitting is unhygienic, you tend to laugh in their face and not-so-silently wish them luck not falling the next time they shave. Good on ya.

 

Laying down

Okay, this definitely sounds weird, but hear me out, because I knew someone who would actually sit perpendicular to the tub, but instead of bending their knee, foot on the floor, they would prop their leg on the higher shelf and run the razor down to their knee, as opposed to up. Some sort of weird combination of the two types above, you’re probably the type of person who says things don’t bother them, but they actually do. You’re also unconventional and shady af, because seriously, who does this? But you’ll probably grow up to discover the cure to global warming and poverty because your crazy mind can see things in ways that us sitters and standers could never imagine.

I sincerely wish everyone but sitting the best of luck with not dying via exsanguination. Writing this has made me realize that y’all are crazy. Or maybe my PhD isn’t as legit as I thought. Whichever it is, we’re all just trying to get that close-shave and we do whatever works. Participation trophies for everyone!

EDIT: Laying down people look something like this, I’m told:

Screenshot 2015-07-23 at 4.30.32 PM

Obviously there’s some witchcraft involved.

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Jackie is a college student trying to get rid of the french fry smell on her clothes and write stories that make people feel the things she's always felt. She hopes to become famous enough so her friend can eat the fancy bread they always have at award dinners. You can follow her daily life on Twitter @atragicthrill.

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