Don’t judge me for being on OKCupid because I know you’re probably thinking of how to describe yourself in three words at this very exact moment. I mean, I guess much like the “10 Internet Articles” article, if you begin to notice patterns in the online pickup lines you’re getting, maybe it’s time to go on a real date. Or maybe it’s just time to compile those pickup lines into a list that you then proceed to post on the internet. I don’t know. Do you, bbys.
1. The Holiday Themed Pickup Line
Obviously this one came around Christmas but I cannot WAIT to see what kind of shadily Anti-semitic shit I’m going to see now that Passover is here.
2. The Really Sexually Explicit and Actually Pretty Gross Pickup Line
Kiiiind of clever, but mostly just vomit-inducing. Bye.
I guess when a real dick pic doesn’t suffice, you do what you gotta do.
3. The Really Corny Pickup Line You’ve Heard 3563 Times and Even Seen on a T-Shirt Somewhere
Protip: Anyone can Google “pickup lines to use on a girl.” Do better!
4. The “I Can’t Tell if I was Just Complimented or Insulted” Line
So…which was it?? A compliment or an insult?
Still so unsure what this dude’s endgame was.
This qualifies too:
I think penguin sledding is some sex move I haven’t tried yet? Can anyone confirm?
6. The “I Can’t Believe People Actually Fall for This Shit”
I don’t even eat Cheetos.
7. The Message From a Member of the Same Sex that Makes You Consider Switching Teams
8. …Until You Realize What She’s Really After
9. More Shit That Just Makes you go “…What?”
9. Somebody Confusing OKCupid with an Escort Service…
10. …And the Craigslist “Film Gigs” Section
Sorry guys, I will most decidedly NOT be coming to a DVD store near you.
11. The One That Keeps You Coming Back
Because at the end of the day, there’s a reason you haven’t deleted your account, thrown your computer out a window, and agreed to let your mom set you up on dates yet. ^^This, gentlemen, is how it’s done.