Miscellaneous Category

Most of you are scared to go there. Your guy friends laugh nervously when you broach the topic at lunch, and your good, but not best friends mentally move you from their classy-has-it-together category of friends to the perverted-don’t-bring-around-grandma one when you bring it up. But if not now, when? Perhaps you’ve started dating a new person, you’re smitten, you’re spooning, you’re sleeping, you accidentally had more cheese than your digestive system can quietly process (ie any), your ear plus are nestled in your ears because you’re a light sleeper andRead More

A person’s love of doughnuts is a profound and special ocean of emotion.  The passion is such that when a girl needs a doughnut, she needs it NOW. So when the craving calls, she answers.  This is why I used to repeatedly find myself (at all hours of the day/night) waiting in line with the tourists against the gold glittering brick wall of Voodoo Doughnut in Portland, Oregon. One day a handful of my college friends and I, being observant people, happened to notice the Paris Theatre  next door, advertisingRead More

Record 21: Santa Monica Pier, Monday, July 5th, 2010. Evening. Tobin and Orlando were at the pier and eating cotton candy, watching panhandlers dance and do bad magic. Tobin, a strapping young man with clean clothes and quite the sane mind, sat outside the arcade under some pretty dang cool neon lights. Neon lights. Tobin, whose age was a number, had his eyes locked on the famous Bubba Gump restaurant. Tobin had a wild hankering for some seafood. “Seafood?” Orlando’s arms were large and swollen. He wore a tanktop withRead More

  Record 20: Moraga, CA, Friday, July 5th, 2019. Night. For months now, the outsider had been dying. Six months ago this same day, folks watched as the sun set for the last time over the mountains at precisely 7:02 pm, as their iPhones had informed them. A sadness hung in the now-forever night air, inert and disarmed, and waiting. Some folks called it the apocalypse. Some called it fate. Some, global warming. None of it mattered anymore, none of the theories and predictions. The modern folks, they were notRead More

I couldn’t fully grasp this concept until recently. And by recently I mean when I found out Heath Ledger died and I tried to watch 10 Things I Hate About You. I thought it was a fluke, that one of my favorite films from my youth would solicit such a sadness.  I told myself it was only sad because he was so young himself as a serenading sparkplug, and I tried again with Brokeback Mountain, but I still could not see his face on screen without being subject to unsolicited emotions.  I can never enjoyRead More

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Remember those rules we learned in grade school and if you chose to disobey you had to pull a card or go to detention or lose points/gold stars? That was a big deal at the time and engraved into our brains that I don’t think we could forget them even if we tried. But apparently, it’s come to my attention recently that everyone has grown up and forgotten these basic yet, SUPER IMPORTANT rules. So please let me refresh your childhood memories.     1. Always wash your hands afterRead More

Record 18: Disneyland, Thursday, July 5th, 2012. Day. Haven is visiting Disneyland with her family. Haven has 2 brothers. One brother’s name is Jamie. He’s 18. The other brother’s name is Hampton. He’s 19. Haven is 14. Haven’s mom is 43. Her name is Mary. Haven’s dad is 44. His name is Ned. The family is waiting in line for ‘It’s a Small World.’ Hampton checks Twitter on his iPhone. Ned checks ESPN Sportscenter on his iPhone. Jamie has a Smartphone. “You haven’t responded to my Candy Crush.” Jamie tellsRead More

I remember standing on the ledge of the terrace to this very old monastery that had literally been carved out of the mountain the town was built upon and looking over to see the most beautiful Italian landscape I had ever seen (because I had never seen any up until this point) and I thought, “…wow.” And then all of a sudden, like a 21-gun salute, everyone immediately whipped out their cameras in an attempt to capture that “wow” feeling. And I get it. I would be lying if IRead More

As it happened, I somehow lost my San Diego library card.  This was a personal tragedy on account of I had memorized that sucker of a sequence–all 14 numbers (which is more than some people have memorized pi, I would like to point out)–in order to quickly and easily navigate the wonders of online requesting. Online requesting was the most genius thing the library ever did for lazy people.  I can search through the entire county’s collections online and click a button that tells the librarian to go pick outRead More

  Record 17: Irvine, CA, Friday, July 5th, 2013. Day. Hey what’s up. I’m Audrina. I’m hungover from last nite when I got really drukn at Mackey’s 4th of July party at his place in Dana Point and I’m still pretty fucked up. I madeout with no one, and I don’t really wanna talk about that much lol so I won’t. But I did meet this 1 guy, and that’s like the whole story I wanna go into or whatever but right now I think I might fucking puke again.Read More

Gays are lucky. We don’t just get one BAE, we have numerous BAEs that together form our inner-BAE circle. We use them, in the best ways, to make our life complete and full of adventure, gossip, and wine.   1. Spontaneous BAE This is the BAE you don’t make plans with weeks in advance. They’re the early morning text message saying, “Wanna do something today?” and you go because you know that when the two of you are together there is never a dull moment. They’re the getting lost inRead More

Shade is an attitude, a form of expression, a lifestyle. Below are some common faces of Shade that happen on the regular, and are always #judgingyou.   1. The “…hmmm” confused shade Examples of when and where this shade could be used: – When someone is trying to push their beliefs on you. – When the teacher is explaining the upcoming assignment.     2. The “… uhh whatever..” Shade Examples of when and where this shade could be used: – When someone beat you in a debate (i.e. Amber vs.Read More

Record 16: Torrance, CA, Tuesday, July 5th, 2011. Night. I’m not going to tell you that I like what I do. I do what I do because when I do it I don’t do it poorly. So what is IT? Let’s break IT down: (note: I’m using numbers instead of letters for arbitrary reasons that I don’t feel like explaining because I write for free and explaining arbitrary reasons defeats the arbitrariness of those reasons). 1. I have sex with old women. Not older women. OLD women. 2. I don’tRead More

My randomly-assigned roommate freshman year wasn’t bad.  The most annoying thing about her was her noisy love for video games and her intense love of cats.  (Also, she collected these weird naked baby figurines).  Besides that, she was just any old person.  The main reason why resentment started to grow between us is because we shared a space, a single room.  After 6 months, we fell into silence forever. Anyway, I’m a journaler.  I loved writing in my journals and I’m sure she saw me scribbling away numerous times intoRead More