All posts by Scott Muska

Scott Muska is a freelance copywriter and journalist who lives in Brooklyn. He thanks you for taking the time to read his stuff, and you can contact him at srm5082@gmail.com. He Tweets and Instagrams @scottmuska.

Posted On December 10, 2014By Scott MuskaIn Lifestyle, Manzone

Restaurant Employees Yelp Review Customers

I used to go on Yelp to help me decide where to go to eat or get takeout. I don’t really do that anymore. Why? Because despite the assertion that Yelp exists ostensibly for this purpose, I’ve found that it skews largely negative, at least where I live. I suppose this makes sense in some way. People are more likely to be moved to write a review of a restaurant if they’ve had a bad experience there. (People fucking LOVE bitching about stuff.) Otherwise they’re too busy stuffing their facesRead More

Posted On December 1, 2014By Scott MuskaIn Advice For Men, Manzone

50 Male Porn Star Alias Suggestions

Times are tough, man. I get it. Jobs are few and far between, and what little money you have seems to buy less and less as the days progress. It’s not out of the question that you would look to the adult film industry to help supplement your fledgling or altogether nonexistent income. There is nothing wrong with that. You have to do what you have to do. And if sex is involved, you’re probably not going to get a lot of sympathy from me. But you also don’t reallyRead More
I am a guy who likes to watch porn every once in a while. And my neighbor has a pretty solid wireless network, so I’m able to enjoy near-limitless streaming of all my favorite videos. Sometimes I’m so enraptured by the technology and the fact that I can watch porn until the cows come home that I end up watching vaguely shameful things until the sun rises, because I live in a city where there are no cows, and as such am unable to discern when they even start theirRead More

Posted On November 12, 2014By Scott MuskaIn Miscellaneous, Ramblings

An Elegy For Ptery The Parakeet

I first met my former roommate’s pet parakeet when I came home late from work one night. I entered my apartment sometime around midnight to the sound of birds chirping like I was in a goddamn rain forest, a fully-lit kitchen/living room area, and a tiny blue and yellow avian fella perched in a cage placed atop a table. He was chirping and staring at me, blinking expectantly. My roommate had already gone to bed, so I was unsure of how to proceed re: introducing myself to the newest additionRead More
I was halfway between my apartment and Dunkin’ Donuts when my first coffee of the day began to take hold. I felt more alert, like I always do. It’s strange, really, the profound effect that a mere cup of this brown stuff can have on you, especially in the moments after consuming your first of many doses for the day. For me, it’s the one ritualistic thing I can do immediately after waking and pissing that keeps me from entertaining the fantasies I always have of retiring once again toRead More
Where I come from, and in many small-town parts of the country, high school coaches are the most respected and revered public figures in the neighborhood. Growing up, I kind of accepted this and even bought into it a little bit. It’s not until you get older and have the benefits of real life experience and hindsight that you realize how absolutely bonkers this is. I mean, watch TV for 20 minutes on a Saturday and you’ll realize that people who coach football (and most popular sports) are, for theRead More

Posted On October 22, 2014By Scott MuskaIn Dating For Men, Manzone

25 Potential Reasons for Why I Am Still Single

Next month I turn 27, which is definitely not an abnormal age during which to be single, but a lot of people in their late 20s are in serious relationships. Many of them are married and own homes and have created children (whereas I go months without getting laid and the most valuable thing I own is a five-year-old laptop computer). So now some people view it as curious that someone my age is single. They want to know why I still am. And why I have been for theRead More
“Here’s to God and football and, 10 years from now, Street, good friends livin’ large in Texas.” ~Tim Riggins, Fictional American Hero, Dillon Panthers Fullback.   Many professional football players love God very, very much, if their on-field behavior is to be believed. You know what I’m talking about if you’ve ever watched even a quarter of football. Ostensibly, everything they do is for him (or her). But does God love football players very, very much? We decided to sit down with the Big Man (or woman?! We’ll never tell!)Read More

Posted On October 9, 2014By Scott MuskaIn Lifestyle, Manzone, Miscellaneous

22 Signs You’re Getting Older

I’m turning 27 soon. I wouldn’t say that qualifies me as old, but just like anyone else, I am definitely getting older. And I’m starting to feel it. There are signs I encounter almost daily. Here are some of the signs I’ve experienced or witnessed that indicate you are getting older and/or maturing:   You look back on the not-so-distant past, like when you were in late high school or college, and wish that you could travel back in time, slap yourself in the face, and scream “STOP BEING SUCH ARead More

Posted On September 30, 2014By Scott MuskaIn Advice For Men, Manzone

20 Signs You Might Be A Basic Bro

Somewhere along the line you fell into The Gap. And, without really wondering why this had happened, you eventually resigned yourself to not ever making your way back out. #dressnormal, I guess. You have way more negative opinions on pumpkin spice flavored beverages and pumpkin spice scented paraphernalia than is warranted or reasonable, and your reason isn’t that you have something against gourds or that you don’t very much enjoy the autumnal time of the year, but because you feel like you should be against all of these things becauseRead More

Posted On September 25, 2014By Scott MuskaIn Buzzworthy, The Scene

Halloween Costume Suggestions: 2014 Edition

Every year, I seem to find myself scrambling for a Halloween costume idea and execution a few days before the holiday. Throughout the year, I come up with many different ideas I think would make an impressive costume, but then I completely forget about them. Then I end up dressing as something very lame. It’s like when I used to walk into a video store and completely forget about the 100 films I’d intermittently put on my must-see list, and settle instead for renting Varsity Blues for the 80th time.Read More
Everything around you seems to somehow be a little bit better. Things stress you out less, you worry less about inconsequential things that used to drive you crazy, and you just generally strut around with a higher level of happiness and joviality. (And it’s driving your friends fucking crazy.) You find yourself randomly smiling like an idiot in public or at your workplace when you read text messages or emails from her. And other people are noticing and calling you out on it. Instead of worrying about what she’s goingRead More

Posted On September 5, 2014By Scott MuskaIn Lifestyle, Manzone

On Meat-Peeping In The Shower With Other Men

On Meat-Peeping In The Shower With Other Men In my life, I have been in a great many showers with a great many men. Some of those men are gay. I’m not some kind of slut or anything. And this isn’t anything weird. It was all on the level. Also, I’m straight. It’s just that I spent most of my youth playing sports, and a part of that once I hit adolescence included showering after practices and games. This isn’t something I ever thought I’d be writing about, my showeringRead More

Posted On August 28, 2014By Scott MuskaIn Buzzworthy, The Scene

20 Ice Bucket Challenge Alternatives

The Ice Bucket Challenge is supposed to be an awareness and fundraising campaign for the fight against ALS where people either donate $100 to the ALS Association, or dump an ice cold bucket of water on their heads and then donate $10 to the ALS Association. Then they get to challenge three other people to do one of those two things. Many uninformed people are just dumping a bucket of ice on their heads and then challenging other people to do the same, which doesn’t do a whole hell ofRead More
So I walk into a party with a friend the other weekend, and I’m excited because it is allegedly going to be rife with people in New York City whom I do not know but who are, according to my friend, totally my kind of people. (Not sure what this means, exactly, but I go with it). Some of them might be dudes who I befriend and introduce me to girls they think would be a good match for me, ultimately resulting in my wedded bliss. Or they might just beRead More