All posts by Matthew Roberts

Matthew Roberts is no longer a recent UCSB grad, but he still pretends to be. Within the last year he has had plans to move to Brooklyn, Seattle and LA before settling with a comfortable guest room in his parents home. He is a professional daydreamer with hobbies that include drinking craft beer, eating delicious local food and laughing with his boys. He isn’t a tough guy, but he has plenty of tough friends. Follow him on Twitter @shmobshmarley.

Posted On October 29, 2014By Matthew RobertsIn Girls, Manzone

#WCW: Cindy Prado

– Cindy Prado – Twitter: @MissCindyPrado Instagram: cindyprado Known for: Home Town Hottie winner, MAXIM shoots and consistently being named in top “Follow These Hot Instagram Chicks” lists. – Cindy is a girl next door in the sense that she isn’t so famous that you look at the photos and think “if only..”, deep down, theres a 1 and a million chance you and her could end up. But it still won’t happen because she is only going up into celebrity status. She is a total fox, and she deserves someone better looking thanRead More

Posted On September 4, 2014By Matthew RobertsIn Internet, The Scene

That Time I Made A YouTube Video…

I absolutely love making videos, sketches, short movies, anything that tells a story or has something funny, even if it’s immature, 8th grade boy humor. Most videos I have made have something relating to violence, death, masturbation, drinking, blood, poop, spit, cussing, and other juvenile and unsophisticated topics or objects. But I still love to make them. Usually only a few eyes see them, be it close friends or the less-than-a-hundred, sad people who are spammed the video by me through Twitter or some other internet platform, just like every other millionsRead More

Posted On September 3, 2014By Matthew RobertsIn Girls, Manzone

#WCW: Kate Beckinsale

– Kate Beckinsale – Twitter: @RealKBeckinsale (hasn’t been used in years) Instagram: katebeckinsale (not her personal account) Known for: That super hot mom in the saddest Adam Sandler movie ever made, Click.    – If you didn’t already notice, this lady does a good job staying clear of social media, thus meaning ZERO leaked nudes 🙁 sad face for the world, but truthfully, good for her. Her ability to stay out of the Instagram and Twitter universe leaves her being more of a mystical creature of sorts, and it’s a fair comparison seeing as she isRead More

Posted On August 27, 2014By Matthew RobertsIn Girls, Manzone

#WCW: Jessica Biel

– Jessica Biel – Twitter: @JessicaBiel Instagram: jessicabiel Known for: Actress, total sex pistol, and wife of the amazing JT, whom straight men would still marry.  – This isn’t going to be an out of left field choice that’ll increase her fame or following, but it is one well-worthy choice. You won’t be blown away by her Instagram posts, as they are mainly of her dog, other animals, food, or what she seems to be listening to at the moment, but this doesn’t take away from her insane beauty. She’s got a smokin’ body,Read More

Posted On August 20, 2014By Matthew RobertsIn Girls, Manzone

#WCW: Sahara Ray

– Sahara Ray – Twitter: @sahara_ray Instagram: sahara_ray Known for: Starting sahararayswim.com and more importantly being a total babe on Instagram. – First off, let me state that I am usually not into the tatted, cigarette smoking, bad girl style. But, when I randomly stumbled upon this beauty on Instagram, she reminded me of an older and naughtier looking Alexis Ren, whom I had previously done a #WCW article on. So the initial interest was there, and after giving her a few more looks, I was even more intrigued. She also seems to have a touchRead More

Posted On August 4, 2014By Matthew RobertsIn Buzzworthy, Sports, The Scene

7 Unforgettable NFL Interviews

Oh baby, finally the NFL season is visible on the horizon. After months of masturbating, hibernation, allergies, pretending to enjoy soccer, and lazing around during your summer break, we are closing in on one of life’s greatest pleasures. With the season close to beginning, so marks the beginning of pre/post practice and game interviews. Just this week, Arian Foster gave us a good laugh answering every question with the same response, that will be as memorable as Allen Iverson’s famous “Practice” speech. So let’s use this opportunity to take a look back at some other pre/postRead More

Posted On July 30, 2014By Matthew RobertsIn Girls, Manzone

#WCW: Kendall Jenner

– Kendall Jenner – Twitter: @KendallJenner Instagram: kendalljenner Known for: Runway and Fashion Model, also a part of the Kardashian Klan. – Sexy comes in more than one package. You don’t always need big breasts to be a sex symbol. Long and thin with a stunning face; that is what defines the stereotypical runway model. Look no further than Kendall Jenner for those attributes, with a face too perfect for plastic surgeons and the most amazing legs since Daddy-Longlegs were first discovered. This young woman has been killin’ it, with 8.4 million Twitter followers andRead More

Posted On July 23, 2014By Matthew RobertsIn Girls, Manzone

#WCW: Gabriella Lenzi

– Gabriella Lenzi – Twitter: @GabriellaLenzi Instagram: gabriellalenzi Known for: Brazilian model, and Neymar‘s ex (or current girlfriend)? Who cares, she’s a total babe. -Gabriella Lenzi is unreal. Some news reports link her to Brazilian soccer stud Neymar while others say they are nothing more than an old fling. 7-1 odds (don’t worry this isn’t Pornhub) are she’s recently hooking up with Mario Gotze on the German national team after they one upped Neymar, breaking his back by breaking the back of Brazil, but that too could just be a rumor exclusively heard here. This is allRead More
With a little more than three weeks before the 27th season premiere of Shark Week begins, the hype is already boiling. Whether you’re horrified, fascinated, or have an impartial view of sharks, the odds are you have seen a few episodes. Starting in 1987 in order to raise awareness of sharks as well as bring in new viewers, Discovery Channel’s Shark Week is surprisingly the longest-running cable TV event… EVER. But what if the week WASN’T dedicated to sharks? What if instead they used some sort of other creature to spikeRead More

Posted On July 17, 2014By Matthew RobertsIn Lifestyle, Manzone

5 Places Hair Shouldn’t Grow

Twelve years later, I still remember sitting in my junior high locker room pondering why most of my friends and other classmates had hairy armpits and I stayed looking like a naked mole rat. I wanted that rite of passage – just like Pinocchio, I wanted to be a real boy! I yearned for a legitimate reason to cover myself in pesticide scented Axe body spray. I wanted body hair. I craved it.  Then it came. Armpit hair, YES! Hell yeah, I am now a man. Pubes too? Sweet, I’llRead More

Posted On July 16, 2014By Matthew RobertsIn Girls, Manzone

#WCW: Alexis Ren

– Alexis Ren –  Twitter: @AlexisRenG Instagram: alexisreneg Known for: Making Nous models relevant to my life. Dare I say #instafamous?  -Alexis Ren could possibly use a few more months before being posted on here, but being just under 18 doesn’t make it illegal to admire beauty.. right? This was the girl from your high school who was already being scouted out by college guys during her sophomore year. Beautiful face, stunning body, and she’s extremely talented at wearing bikinis and putting her arms up/hands in her hair. Check her out.          Read More

Posted On July 13, 2014By Matthew RobertsIn Advice For Men, Fashion For Men, Manzone

Hey Dudes, No More Long Hair!

First off, let me state that I am no angel. I am exceptionally guilty of sporting the long hair, and have been for numerous years.  It is due to my own experiences that I am here to help all of you stray from the Jesus-length hairstyle. I recently made the switch to a much shorter and more acceptable haircut and I must say, I absolutely love it. I rocked the longer hairdo right after I evolved from the crusted hair gel, spiked, frosted tips fad was out, and never lookedRead More
Every year since the invention of this religious-esque sport, hundreds of thousands of billions of men and women of all races and ages take part in what is known as Fantasy Football. This lifestyle, or as the less-than-average American would call it “hobby”, brings more happiness to it’s players than any rich alcoholic alum financially supporting Alumni Weekend and “Free Adderall” buckets during Finals week could ever bring, combined. But, when emotions are this high, they also have the potential to run heroin-withdrawal low. More often than not, this needRead More