All posts by Kelli Johnson

Kelli Johnson is an aspiring writer and the current (self-proclaimed) most kickass substitute teacher of all time. Her obsessions include coffeehouse chatter, Radiohead on rainy days (aka Rainiohead), and coming up with alternative tag lines for the Real Housewives. When she's not molding young minds or crying over her student loans, she can be found watching Golden Girls reruns or frolicking with her sweet tortoise named Spartacus.

My last relationship was perfect. On paper. It was the kind of relationship that you dressed up in the clothes that you kept on the other side of the closet for. The kind that came with free coffee and the opportunity of advancement. Where you pretended to know about things you only had a vague idea about. It was the kind that made your mom happy. That made you feel like a grown-up. It was the kind of relationship that paid well, had a great healthcare plan, and you couldRead More
When I first entered the bar scene at the ripe age of 21, I was a nervous wreck. For one, I may have been 21, but I looked about 12 (or so I was harshly told) …so I had this unfounded paranoia that I just didn’t really belong and would subsequently be stuffed in trash cans or kicked out and have cheap liquor thrown in my face if I even attempted to order a drink. Furthermore, my only experience with alcohol up until that point had been whatever horrid concoctionsRead More